Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Goodbye, Friend.
Memories. They will forever remain memories in my heart and mind.
"Eh Lester, you want Chinese or Malay fried rice?"
"Your balance."
"Alex, lend your 'gong' leh."
"want Milo or not?"
Letting go's never easy.
Life was too cruel to take you away at such a young age.
Rest in Peace, Lance Corporal Liu Xia Wei, Alex.
Thy Sins be Cleansed.
9:18 AM
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Life Is Really Cursed.
Just when I had picked myself off the floor, someone just had to shove me in the back.
Totally, totally fed up. There won't be an end, nor a viable solution, to this matter. The coldness of your facial expression, it was the start of my understanding.
No matter. I'll hold my head high and walk the journey of life proud, even if I have to walk this path alone. I know I did the best I could. Nobody saw any of the effort I was putting in, though.
Having to hold my anger back to the brink of breaking point is taking its toll on my health. Perhaps I should not be so nice to everyone, after all. I believe i'm one who keeps my emotions in check, most of the time. But there are times when temporal loss of control is inevitable. Try me. You won't like it.
A flurry of emotions flood me as I write this entry. Uh oh, not good. The emo streak in me's coming back again.
Much as i'd like to say that the world is fair, nothing is, as a matter of fact, fair. Take for example, not everything that you've planned goes your way, but then again, what's the excitement of life, if it were so predictable? On the other hand, living seems so difficult, when some things that you expected so much of, too much of, fell right through.
Somehow, I feel so betrayed. Somehow, I felt you'd understand my intentions. Somehow, I felt you'd be there for me, no matter what happened. Somehow...
Somehow.
Yet it was just wishful thinking.
I guess it'll be some time before I trust somebody else as much as I did you. However, I do not blame you for choosing such a drastic course of action. I was a jerk, and I deserve it.
One whom I regard as a best friend once told me, "Les, real friends... Don't give up. They just don't."
Argh. I feel the tears coming. Stop for now.
I stretched my hand out,
But you slapped it away.
Why?
Thy Sins be Cleansed.
7:36 AM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
One Of These Days.
After so many days of emo-ing, I feel that it's time to stop.
Emo-ing is tiring, no doubt. And after thinking about it, I feel so stupid. Why be an emo kid over someone who doesn't appreciate? Totally doesn't make sense, in my humble opinion. Perhaps this friendship was never meant to be. However, I stress that i'd never not care about a friend anymore. I do still regard you as a friend, till you make it clear that we can no longer be friends. In fact, I wouldn't mind going the extra mile for friends, even at my own expense, as long as my friends are happy. I guess that's just the way I do things. So, so, so very similar to Mr. Bing. Let yourself be a willing party, then feel sore about it. However, i'm not a condom. HAHAHA.
I do feel blessed not to have one, not two, not three, but
FOUR best friends in life. I do not thank God for this, however, because I do not believe that a Higher Power exists and controls our lives, as if playing a computer game of some sort. I do however, believe in Karma. Random-ness.
I'm very tempted to say that people who promise things such as 'Friends Forever" are big, fat liars, but I remember making such a grave promise to someone when I was a foolish, ignorant kid, and surprisingly, I have kept my word till present. This statement doesn't hold anymore, if, by any chance, one day, I break my promise. And i'd call myself a big fat liar. In front of the mirror.
TIME TO STOP EMO-ING~~~ Be happy always! =D Doesn't help that over half of my iTunes playlist are emo songs, though. Haha. Oh well.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I never believed in this saying until I experienced it for myself. How true.
Thy Sins be Cleansed.
4:24 AM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
无法守住的承诺。
A sharp ringing woke me from my deep slumber this morning. I had dreams... Visions... Probably the one most burning desire I have in mind. I woke up with tears in my eyes. Silly, no? Crying over something that seems so distant, so impossible. All the good i've done for you. Erased. By one stupid mistake.
So anyway, there was a turn-out in station at 4.30am. In my half awakened status I used the sliding pole and fell down flat on my ass because my limbs weren't responding as well as they do when I am awake. Amidst the chaos I ran towards my appliance, put on my protective gear, and hopped into the appliance.
The smell was strong. Like, a "punch-to-the-face" kind of strong. A punch strong enough to knock a grown man out cold. I gagged, involuntarily. It was so sharp, so pungent, so putrid. A mixture of rotten fish and ammonia. Look out for my face on the news tonight, I think them reporters got a snap of my face.
On a lighter note, i've passed module 2 of my driving. Now i'm left with part of module 3 to complete. I'm another step closer to my driving license... But. Why. I don't feel happy at all.
Recently i've been getting a lot of accidental cuts, particularly on my left hand. I've got cuts all over my palm and fingers. CAUTION: Do not play with sharp SOGs.
Promises are empty. They haven't been, aren't going to be, and will never be fulfilled. Take that, coming from me, one who used to believe. I've been so naive.
无法守住的承诺。
Unforgiven, thanks.
Thy Sins be Cleansed.
9:10 AM
Saturday, September 01, 2007
I Tried,
I really did.
But I failed.
Damn it, I feel emo. I'm gonna go mad.
Somebody save me.
Who would care. My life is cheap anyway.
I'm a piece of trash. Pathetic. Pathetic, Lester.
Alcohol ftl.
End.
Thy Sins be Cleansed.
9:33 AM