Wonderings.

new sem, new adventures.

2009-05-19T14:29:00.002+08:00

first sem was pretty much filled with adventures, escapades, with a dash of happiness, and the occasional heartbreaking moments... yet, i still enjoyed myself. i know myself, what i want. so much better than previously.

it's the start of another new semester... hmmm. i hope it's as fun as the previous one.

"The never fading rain, it lingers in my heart... How about you."

2009-03-08T13:10:00.003+08:00

In the blink of an eye, 2 months have passed since school reopened for me.

I wouldnt say I really enjoyed myself in school, though I did make quite a few new friends. Funky people. :D

Updating just to distract myself from school work for a while. I still have an essay due tomorrow. Sigh. And I stayed up till close to 6am in a futile attempt to finish it up. BUT I HAVENT EVEN STARTED. Lol. I fail in life, I fail as a student. I fail in every aspect.

Something random. I announced to my parents at the dining table that I'd scored 34/40 for my psychology mid terms. And I got 1 minute of silence. Thanks, mum. Thanks, dad.

Fucking hope it doesnt rain. I'd lose all form of motivation to go out for my haircut then, though I know i really should keep the unruly hair in check.

2009-01-24T09:36:00.001+08:00

Post up in www.constructivity.blogspot.com ! Please support!

Tsk.

2009-01-18T16:24:00.002+08:00

So... One of my courses require me to set up a blog and well... Blog. (What else to do with a blog, right...)

The thing is, one of the grading criteria's that my posts have to be able to generate discussions. Tsk. As if that wasn't bad enough, 20% of the grades are actually on generating discussion. -_- Help a guy out, won't you? :)

Check www.constructivity.blogspot.com every now and then, and leave a constructive comment! :D

First Day.

2009-01-12T10:15:00.001+08:00

So... After a long break, i's back to school...

A pretty uneventful first lesson for the year, if you ask me. Sitting quietly in a corner of the lecture room, with, dare I say, all the unfamiliar faces. Kinda like, a culture shock. O.o Anyway class ended 15 minutes early for me, and now i'm in another lonely corner typing to myself.

And I really was quiet all the way, save for an instant when I uttered a reply, to some girl who came into the room late, asked if she was sitting in the correct section.

Now I need to kill time, till 1.45 pm. Sigh. Anyone happening to be in SIM HQ, and reading this blog post, come find me pls! Lol.

Falling Behind.

2008-12-15T12:16:00.000+08:00

I notice, my apetite grows exponentially when im not in a good mood.

Eating's a pleasure. It really is, in my humble opinion. I light up when I see or smell good food, but i'm sure almost everyone else does, too. Lol. Food'll probably be the only thing that can cheer me up, on bad days. During then, i'd gorge myself silly, with all sorts of food I can lay my hands on.

When i ask for a buffet meal, it probably means i'm not in a very good mood, so... Try not to reject when I request for a buffet next time, please? :)

Anyhow, pics will be up only when i'm back in Singapore, which will be... Soon. I hope. I left my transfer cable back at home. So many other people I wanna meet, before school reopens. Any place would definitely be better than here, I guess.

Of Broken Angels; And Fallen Wings.

2008-12-15T11:35:00.000+08:00

Finally, a post-lasik entry. Well, i've been staring at the blinking cursor for a long time now. But i'm not in much of a mood for updates.

For those (most) of you who probably don't know, i'm currently holiday-ing in the Philippines. Well, it really isn't much of a holiday, especially since my favourite people aren't on holiday, yet, and i'm stuck with an irritating SOMEONE, so it gets boring most of the time.

I went for my lasik operation here. Guess it went smoothly, I can see almost clearly now. Perfect eyesight inches ever so closer to me. :D

Laughing at someone else's expense is fine, as long as you remember that someday something like that will happen to yourself as well. If you can't, well... I suggest you get a life. Stop embarassing people in front of others.

Anyway, I haven't really been enjoying MY holidays here. Somehow it doesn't seem to be mine anymore. People just show more attention to the person who tagged along. And even my favourite person, doesn't seem to be too friendly with me recently. Sigh. I wish time would fly, so I can fly back to singapore as well. Lead my loser miserable life as a loner. Beats having expectations that others will be around to keep you company, then having those expectations dashed.

Promises and vows, have and will always be, meant to be broken. Don't promise me anything, anymore.

Flight.

2008-12-03T10:17:00.000+08:00

I can't believe im blogging from the boarding gate. Lol. flying off now!

leave a wishlist if you anything.

2008-12-03T01:35:00.002+08:00

I'm amused at how people can turn against each other so easily, and patch up again a while later, just as easily. So very amused.

I guess I have a high tolerance, for what humans call, 'irritable' acts. I don't see a need to get worked up over small issues, it's... Pointless, reaping no benefits for anybody whatsoever. Major issues, though, are a different story altogether. Lol. That's when my temper becomes a rising volcano, ready to erupt at any given moment. And I choose not to let it go. Not for a very long time. It's... Not easy.

Anyhow, back from my China trip... photos will be up soon, under my flickr badge. It's almost 2am... And I got a flight to catch at 10am.. So... Ciao.

Perfectly Flawed.

2008-11-21T14:00:00.003+08:00

Just something i've been pondering on, when I overheard a conversation on the train. Yes, my ears are sharp. Too sharp.

So anyway, this group of girls were talking on the train, about... Well, their different ideas and perspectives of a Mr. Perfect.

To call somebody your Mr/Ms Perfect is such an oxymoron, since everyone is flawed, in his or her own way(s). Nobody is perfect, nor can they be. On the other had, it makes perfect sense too, when you love somebody for themselves, accepting all their flaws, that, truly is, 'Perfectly Flawed'. That is how love should be, beautiful, me thinks.

The word 'Love' is so overused nowadays, defiled by youngsters who know not the meaning of the word at all. Sad, but true. Just something to think about, though. No need to take my words seriously. Lol.

Be leaving state on the 23rd! drop me your wishlists, if you have any!

ORD LO~~~ Oh wait. ORD?!

2008-11-04T13:59:00.000+08:00

In the blink of an eye, 22 months have passed. My NS liabilities are over. It's back to civilian life. You know they always say that the grass is always greener on the other side, well, it is true. Lol. I spent my whole NS life counting down, looking forward to my ORD date... But somehow it doesn't feel the way i thought it'd feel. I guess that's just me, being human.

Being Human. Greedy, foolish, insatiable creatures. Hah. What a disgrace to live life as a human, forever carrying that sign, the mark, of condemnation. So bad, even breathing feels like... My lungs are burning up, my vision's just a whirl of colours. Humans should just go extinct. Anyway moving on...

Suddenly it feels like time has become a bullet train i'm riding in, racing toward a head-on collision course with the unknown. So fast, it's... Scary. I don't know what to do with my life now. Lol. Sorta like a mid-life crisis, don't you think?

You might think i'm hostile now, but all i'm doing is protecting myself, protecting my psychological well-being, protecting my heart. Just like you did. Exactly just like it, too, don't you think? The way you treated me so harshly. That snide tone of your voice. We're so mirror images of each other, don't you think. Even the way we react to stuff. I hated the way you handled us, and yet, i'm doing the same thing. Hah. Why do I even bother. It doesn't matter, not anymore. Just a flitting shadow from my past.

On a lighter note, school's resuming on 12 Jan 09 for me. Lol. the cool's been put back into school :D I wish for student exchange programs!!

EDIT: decided to just upload all photos im gonna blog about, to flickr. Can be found under navigations 'Les.' :) Ty!

Impatience.

2008-10-12T20:17:00.001+08:00

C'mon send me the damn letter of acceptance already! It's time to put the 'Cool' back in 'School'!!

2008-09-23T13:35:00.001+08:00

Eh... As requested by Nicole meimei... Some parts are uncannily accurate, but some parts are plain blah.

Lester has difficulty making decisions. His mind changes constantly. He lives in an emotional tug of war. Lester could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow he may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone.

Some research indicates that people with a severe variety in the slant of their handwriting have an inability to tolerate sugar and are suffering the side-effects of too much sugar in their diet. If moods swings are a reoccurring issue, investigate the diet.

If Lester encounters a situation he cannot handle he frequently pulls into himself. He feels his emotions are secure if he is withdrawn. When he has solved the problem he can be very outgoing and again need other people's companionship. Some see Lester as very moody, but it it would be more accurate to say he has two complete personalities that he chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality he is exhibiting today. He may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down Lester's emotional expressiveness.

Lester tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Lester writes tiny all of the time, he will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Lester will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. he might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When he is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and his ability to focus is incredible. When he says "he didn't hear you", he really means, he didn't hear you.

Lester will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Lester believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Lester is secretive. He has secrets which he does not wish to share with others. He intentionally conceals things about himself. He has a private side that he intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in his past.

Lester has a desire for attention. People around Lester will notice this need. He may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on his own character.

According to the inputted data, Lester has a stinger shape inside the oval of his a, d, or c. This might be hard to visualize, but if this little hooklike shape is present, then Lester has an unresolved "issue" with strong members of the opposite gender. An occasional appearance of this stroke could indicate a simple "loves a mental challenge" which can manifest in playful linguistic conversations and being attracted to a lover who isn't always available. However, if the stroke is severe, this means the individual has unresolved anger at the oppostive gender - which usually started with the person's childhood relationship with the opposite gender parent (Mom or Dad). If the writer is a woman she will be attracted to strong challenging men. If the writer is a man, he will find the woman who is "hard to get" the most attractive. In a nutshell, people with stingers in their writing tend to have challenges in their romantic relationships.

For more information about this "stinger" trait, visit this webpage. Remember, it is only negative if the traits occurs often and is quite pronounced. An occasional stinger can be no problem.

Lester is a cumulative and procedural thinker. He likes to have all the facts before making a decision. He thinks or creates much like a brick mason, stacking fact upon fact. His thought pattern or the conclusion will not be complete until the last fact is in place. Like that brick wall, Lester learns faster through visual demonstration than through quick verbal instructions. Once he has learned new material, and understood it, he won't forget.

Lester is a methodical thinker, therefore he is able to build things and come up with new ideas. In an argument, he often loses to rapid thinking people because he is thinking thirty minutes later about what he should have said. These people often are very booksmart, but can be out-gunned in a rapid fire verbal debate.

He may learn new ideas at a slower pace than other "less detailed" people, but once he gets it, he can handle repetition. Some people hate jobs with too much repetition, he can handle it better than most.

Lester's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Lester that he wasn't a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Lester also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn't have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Lester is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Lester's self-concept is artificially low. Lester will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Lester to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Lester is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Something is incomplete in Lester's life. He feels frustration relating to his physical needs and desires. Somewhere in his life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Lester's sexual needs.

Lester has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Lester has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Lester's y or g is large and opens up to the left side of the page. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Lester has regarding sex and physical things. So, his lower zone stroke is large, so his sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop is incomplete and extends to the left, this indicates a particular fascination with certain aspects of sexuality that have not been fulfilled, yet. In a nutshell, Lester is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Lester has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Lester fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Lester has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Lester just comes into someone's home and helps himself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Lester finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when he was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.

Katkat needs your help! SAVE KATKAT PETITION!

2008-09-16T02:41:00.000+08:00

Go go go!

Trippin' hard; Falling out onto the ground.

2008-09-14T21:17:00.000+08:00

Her words, they left me jaded, depressed. Wanting no more, than to disappear from the face of the Earth. Her words, they shook the foundations, of what I believed in. They tested the reasons, of why i'm still existent, in this world.

After several days of moping at home, I decided to head out for some fresh air. You know what they always say, about retail therapy. Lols.

Meet my new Baby :D

It's got a full touch screen!

I get many people asking me why i'm so emo, why i'm quiet, for the most part. The reason is simple.

Whenever I face any troubles/problems, I absorb. I can only absorb this much, though. The analogy is similar to that of a toilet bowl; too much shit causes the toilet bowl to choke and overflow. That, shall be termed, the 'Breaking Point'. It doesn't help much, that i'm an emo person, by nature. I think, I think too much, for my own good.

People tell me, it's alright to tell, to share. I say bullcrap. I only share, with those I deem fit. The world's full of wagging tongues, myself included, sometimes. Independence is the way to go. It was proven when she walked out of my life, though i'm still in the process of learning how to be independent. Lol. It may not be the best, nor healthiest way, but i'm coping. A harsh lesson learnt.

I may not be the most forgiving person, but at least, I remain true to myself.

Weakness Vs Resolve.

2008-09-03T00:20:00.003+08:00

When I was a kid, Mom taught us to be kind, to help a friend whenever we can, to live, and let live.

I subscribed strongly to that teaching. I try to be nice, all the time... I help out whenever I can, even at my own expense, sometimes... It's also the reason, why I never chose to defend myself, most of the time. Defending one's self would usually lead to confrontation. I'd just let most stuff pass, unless it was too damaging to the pride. Heck, as if I have any pride to speak of. Lol.

Anyway, back to main point. Some people (mainly people like Mom) see this as a strength. It is, as they say, a strong resolve. A will of iron, if you understand what I mean.

Sadly, most of the outside world think it's a weakness. I'm ashamed to say I feel there is more cause to incline towards the latter, after years of practical use. Most people usually take advantage, if not, exploit.

And in the modern world, being weak, or openly displaying signs of weakness, is a sin.

Goodbye, Weakness.

Grah.

2008-08-13T01:38:00.002+08:00

All I can do, is to observe from a distance, to be an onlooker. Being unable to do anything.

That feeling... Really, really sucks.

Untitled.

2008-07-31T11:55:00.000+08:00

10:58 AM

Been sick for days... Hate this feeling.

Some updates. (Though they're kind of outdated, really. Note: long entry.)

I was involved in a traffic accident some weeks back, while I was driving my grandmother to the dentist's. Aunt was in the car as well. It happened near Sim Lim Square, while I was turning out of the filter lane, and didn't notice the lorry beside me. The epitome of blindness. Haha. Anyway, Aunt was in the car, 'cos she's supposed to be a 'chaperone' of sorts. To ensure that i'm driving safely.. May I mention, a useless chaperone, too. She kept talking to me inside the car, so I got kind of distracted, and truth be told, she's not really one of my favourite relatives. Then I was trying to concentrate on looking at the oncoming traffic flow from the right, and she was still talking, so I avoided looking left, 'cos i didn't really wanna reply to whatever she was talking about. Heck, I wasn't even listening. It was just like, unwanted noise pollution, jarring on my ears. As I made my left turn, I didn't notice that i'd already cut into the next lane, 'cos I was still avoiding eye contact with the aunt. Then she began calling out.

"Kid... Kid.." (in hokkien)

I just got home from work that day, so I wasn't really in the mood to listen to her talk. So I ignored her and continued making my left turn. Then a loud thud ensued, metal grinding against metal, and that was whn she just started panicking. LOL. Retarded reaction? -_-

Speaking of relatives... My grandma and aunt (both from the father's side) have been putting up at our place for at least 2 months already.. I can't exactly say i'm very happy with the dad's arrangements to put them up at our place.. I mean, a week or two is fine, but... Months?! That's... Stretching my patience, a little bit too thin. Dangerously thin. As I was saying, the grandma makes a big fuss out of everything, and the aunt can never keep her trap shut.

Just a few days ago, I was suffering from fever. I told Mum in the morning that I wouldn't be reporting for NS duties, and that i'd go to the hospital instead, since polyclinics are closed on weekends (I think?). So anyway, I woke up probably around 8+ am, and took a shower. Grandma nagged about not taking a shower when having a fever, like I care. Sheesh. Then she goes ahead and tells Mum to bring me to see a doctor, 'cos I wasn't feeling well. I find that her actions... Crudely put, 脱裤子放屁。We know what to do, we don't need instructions. I know for a fact, Mum was kind of ticked off as well.

Then I come back from the doctor's, with a shitload of medicine. Every few hours, the aunt comes and tells me to take my medication, when I KNOW DAMN WELL what time I should be taking them. No wait, "Every few hours" is an understatement... Just the day before, I went downstairs for breakfast, and I normally have very quick meals 'cos I wanna avoid seeing/ communication with Them. The aunt came and told me to take my medication, 4 times, 4 FREAKING TIMES, in a timespan of probably less than 5 minutes. Holy cow.

I find that i'm spending less time at home, as the days pass by. I just dread coming home to see Them. Sigh. I hope they F...ly back to Philippines, soon.

(As I am typing this entry, grandma came in 3 times to tell me to head to my parents' office. I KNOW. I said i'd go, so I would. Stop chasing ME out of MY HOUSE.)

Many of my friends probably know that I was charged with negligence in dispensing of duties, about a few weeks back. All I can say is, none of it was my fault. Totally, zero. Enough said.

Enough of the sad, pathetic existence. Something to ponder about. Some of my colleagues were takling about hare-brained, get-rich-quick methods. To which I replied, "You can be the richest man in the world, yet be the poorest at the same time. It applies the other way round, too." Then a minute of silence. I guess they thought I was talking a whole load of crock. Lol.

I'm so random sometimes, I surprise myself.

I've got issues, so what? Everybody does.

2008-07-21T15:28:00.003+08:00

Been a long time! It's a wet, gloomy monday. Adds on to the monday blues. :(

So... I was out with family yesterday, having lunch at East Coast, when this random caucasian, or some may call 'ang moh', kid runs up to our table, and stands beside Dad.

Dad: "Hello."

Kid starts pinching Dad's wing (? dont know, lah. the part below the arm, above the ribcage area.). Then moves on to my aunt, who laughs retardedly.

aunt: "haha. so cute." *smile*

Then the boy attempts to pinch her cheek. Kid's dad sees what shit his son's up to, and grabs his son, away from our table. LOL. Well, it was funny watching it the first, second, maybe third time... But it started to get irritating after that. The dad didn't even seem apologetic. Oh well. Shit happens.

I'm turning 20 in less than 9 hours. One year closer to my grave!

Random bouts of emo-ing can't spell good. lol. Why, oh why.

Need a haircut. My hair's kinda unruly already. I might consider braving the rainy weather to head to the saloon.

2008-06-10T16:57:00.000+08:00

Whew! Been crazy busy these few months, with the sudden influx of 'tourists'. =p

I love my extended family:) not that I don't love my immediate family, but, I feel i'm closer to my extended family, somehow. I'm glad to say, I enjoyed myself, playing guest, for the most part. Of course a few bloopers here and there, and *ahem* irri*ahem*tants*ahem* abound, but hey, it was only for a short period. Now they're all gone, i've nothing to look forward to, once again, after booking out from camp. LOL. Damn.

Mum's telling me to go apply for a school/course already, but I still haven't made up my mind on what to study. I guess i'll most likely be applying to study with SP, quote Jia Hui, "Near my school, can go Dover find you for breakfast. Haha." BUT of course that's not the real reason i'm applying SP. LOL.

I'm going for lasik end of year. Hiatus, maybe?

2008-05-26T22:43:00.001+08:00

Know something?

I think i'll die young. Most likely reason would be high blood pressure/hypertension. 'Cos I tend to keep to myself, and when I do speak up, few people ever take me seriously. Oh well. That's life.

Live with it.

Anyway, I wonder why people try so hard, when they obviously know that their actions won't allow them to reap any fruits of their labour.

And, I learnt another thing.

Silence, doesn't mean consent. Lesson learnt, and I learnt it well.

My kingdom for a knife. I'm having real evil thoughts of chopping up my uncle's adopted son, and passing him off as pork trotter soup. He'd make a real good imitation, though. It's a sin, to think that way, but hey, strictly speaking, we're not even related in any way.

Okay, I think i'm saying really inhumane stuff, but who cares? My thoughts, my actions, my problem. I'd probably go to Hell when I die, someday (soon?), for harbouring so many evil thoughts. LOL.

Okay, maybe not a knife. I need a pair of stinky socks more, preferrably from someone with athlete's feet. COS HE WONT FUCKING STOP SNORING AND I FUCKING CANT GET TO SLEEP AND I'M FUCKING PISSED WHEN I INVOLUNTARILY DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP. Okay sorry again for that outburst. I COULD PROBABLY SLAP HIM SO HARD HE'D FLY OFF THE BED, BUT HE WON'T FUCKING WAKE UP. PIG. GRRR.

Okay, the above post is an illusion. Nobody saw that.

I stared, into a broken mirror the other day. It was... Kinda like... looking at myself, from many angles. Cool, that, but then again, at the same time it makes me feel like a schizo, seeing many, irreconcilable pieces of me. Lol.

THANK THE STARS HE FUCKING STOPPED SNORING. I'MMA TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP BEFOR THE SECOND WAVE STARTS. GOOD FUCKING NIGHT.

2008-05-15T12:31:00.000+08:00

I overheard a conversation going on between 2 boys on the train this morning.

"...Strong words, coming from a weak person like you."

I wonder. Who defines strength, and weakness? One person's strength, might be his weakness as well. Being too trusting, for example.

There was this time during secondary school, that I was appointed class chairman, not by my own will. Back then I was the Loser Kid, the nobody in class, being the prime target of ridicule and mockery, so it came as a shock that I was given such a position in the class commitee. I thought, that finally, people saw me as their equal, to have voted for me, but there was only more ridicule in store for me. I remember vividly that there was once when I sought help from someone whom I thought was a friend, and ended up being called 'incompetent' by him in the face. That was a really big blow to my self esteem, seeing that such a strong word came from such a weak person. Heck, he was probably 50 times more incompetent than me, and there I was, bearing the brunt of his insults, just because I needed his help. I never could take it lying down, even till now. I guess, pride is man's greatest sin, after all. Lol.

I wonder why, people never really stop to think, before they start spewing rubbish from their mouths. It makes them sound, really dumb. It's like, they WANT to misunderstand. They choose to misunderstand. Sad. In a way, I like to be misunderstood. It tells me, how stupid, arrogant, and inconsiderate, people can really be. Oh well. Your lives, your mistakes, your problems. As long as you don't interfere with my life, whatever floats your boat. I can't really care, it's not in my place to pass judgement, to tell people what to do, what to think. Besides, I've enough on my platter for now.

I hate liars. I hate lying. I hate lying through my teeth. I hate it, but I can be so damn good at it. What an irony.

Went to Suntec this afternoon, and decided to get a cone of ice cream from B&J's. Surprise, surprise. My server turned out to be a primary school friend. :D

It's almost been a month... Lol.

2008-05-13T14:29:00.000+08:00

A wonderful day....

Spent with one of my very favourite persons. :D

Donuts for brrreakfast at home!

She says it looks like boobs, and something else. LOL.

Lunch @ MySG! Sirloin steak mmmmm.

Look how excited she is, to see the waiter with her Cilantro Chicken. Thighs, please.

Shared a Triple Choc cake, with vanilla ice cream.

MySG's a good place to dine in. Good ambience, good food, go in the evening though. It'd probably be a better dining experience in the evening. Only thing's the place a bit difficult to find, due to the 'secrecy'' of its location. Lol.

Watched "Over Her Dead Body". Quite a good comedy. No spoilers here, sorry.

A bit of camwhoring, before the show started. More pics were taken but imma lazy bastard. Probably need a foreman with a bullwhip, to even get me started with any work. Lol.

Picked grandma up from the airport this evening, she'll be staying with us for a while. Whee!

Good day, good day!

P.S. Poor alignment. Oh well. I tried my best. Lol.

2008-05-01T15:33:00.000+08:00

I just don't know, how I should react, anymore.

A lot of things to write about, but my mind remains blank as of now.

Till the next time.

The Schizophrenic, who was long aware.

2008-04-24T05:51:00.000+08:00

The... Other One. It's been kept hidden in me, in memories, for quite some time. The only reason why i've kept him hidden, all these years, was so that, I could fit in. It was... Is... My true character, my nature... And yet, i've been putting on a mask, all these years.

I thought it'd make eveyone around me... Happy. Back when we were all young and innocent. We didn't know how to act, how to put on a good show. I never really could fit in. Not at home, not in school. I guess you could say, I was a social outcast. It was, difficult, to say the least. I had but a handful of friends, not many wanted, to even be associated with me, in fact.

Gradually, the Other Me, slinked into the shadows, away from sight, yet, always playing games in my head. Becoming an actor. I learnt it well. Blending in with the crowd. Making friends. Yet, all this while, I still felt so... Empty. Hollow. Of so many friends, who can you really trust? Who would stand by you, during your darkest hours? How many mattered, at least to yourself?

I think it's time he made a comeback. So, who cares, if I can't fit in? Why do I have to care so much, to please those around me, when it doesn't even make me the least bit happier, less lonesome?

To test my theory, I began to introduce a bit of him, raw and pure, at the workplace, yesterday. True enough, true enough. People I regarded as friends (oh, such a flimsy word.), began to shun away from me, to push me away, to treat me with hostility. Lol. Proves my point, no?

He is revolting, sickening, irritating, fucked up. And yet, he is a part of me. A part of me, that I shall embrace, like a long, lost brother. For He is my ticket, to sanity.

This facade, i've been putting on. Every. Single. Day. I've been long sick of it. It's like, a conscious schizophrenia. Yet it's gone on long enough, that I almost forgot, who I really was. Not being aware, whether i'm awake or otherwise, due to, the lucidity, of my dreams.

I have... The Other One... Has fully awakened. Yet expect not the worst, 'cos... After all, i'm a self-trained actor. Lol.

I shall... Describe him more, during the course of self-discovery. That's it for now.

It's, Difficult.

2008-04-22T12:13:00.000+08:00

Yet another dream.

I was back in the fire station. Just sitting down, quietly, in the corner, where my locker was positioned. People around me, they were talking, laughing, making merry. Yet, I heard nothing, nothing at all. I could see their lips moving, the mirth in their eyes, but it was all a silent movie.

I turned my head towards my locker, the door ajar. I saw that it was full of cigarette boxes. I remember not the brand, but the boxes were dark coloured. Vaguely familiar. I opened a box. I took a cigarette out, and started puffing. Again. And again. And again. One stick after another. Non-stop. I was a chain smoker.

Fuck, i'm going mad.

Nightmares, that continue to haunt.

2008-04-22T04:58:00.000+08:00

There I was. But again, it wasn't me. It was like a third-person view.

I was sitting down quietly, mumbling to myself. It was, inaudible. Something shiny was in my hand. An evil, sadistic smile flashed, across the face. A slow, deliberate movement, the hand holding the shiny object, toward the other free hand.

Blood flowed. It took me a while to realise, that the shiny object was a small knife, or blade, of some sort. In that instant, I was pulled into the body, of the person who just committed this sadistic act, who was me, now.

I clawed at the deep, bleeding cut. Dug, almost frantically, into it, like it was a container, holding something, I wanted to lay my hands on, badly. I felt my face twist, into that same sadistic smile, for I had found what I had been digging for. I pulled out my wrist vein. And bit hard into it. A sickening squelch. I knew the vein was no longer intact. Blood splattered all over. I could taste the fresh blood, warm, sweet, yet disgusting at the same time. I laughed, maniacally.

And then I woke up, yet again, covered in cold sweat, and I found myself making a dash for the toilet, puking, just puking, uncontrollably.

Fucking sick dream.

2008-04-19T14:40:00.000+08:00

Continue from where I last left off. I think... Thoughts of suicide, is a built-in self defense mechanism. It could probably be, a form of escape, when things get too difficult for people to handle. The easy way out, the 'Back Door'. So.. People opt for this alternative route. 'Cos it seems easier, than having to face up to their own problems.

Also, I think it's stupid to want to commit suicide. For one, how would your loved ones feel, if they were to find out, that you've taken your own life? Secondly, no problem is too great, if we just spend some time, to sit down, and think hard enough, for a solution.

Of course, thinking of suicide may not necessarily translate to contemplating suicide. I, for one, am a good example. Or maybe, it was just because, I just didn't have the courage, to do it, many years back. Lol. I was a troubled teen back then. Maybe I am, still, now, but i'm finding ways and means, to cope. It's difficult, but, eh, not impossible.

So... Don't bother trying, don't waste your breath. I'm inconsolable for now, and that's how it goes. But yea i'll be fine. No cause for concern/worry.

On a side note, I havent shaved my facial hair in, eh, more than a week. Lol.

Random.

Sorry.

2008-04-19T07:27:00.000+08:00

I feel, that it's unfair, for you to feel, what i'm feeling. To try to understand, would even be too much. I'm sorry, I remain silent. Let me bear the weight of the truths and actions, by myself.

I never wanted any of this. For you, to feel the agony that i'm going through. To feel for me. To cry for me. I appreciate it, but... It's just... Being unfair to you. Leave me be, for now, i'll sort out my thoughts alone, in peace.

I always, always... Wanted to live a happy life, co-existing in peace, as family, like you do. Who doesn't? Yet, I find no inner peace. I'm.. Unable to do that, for now. I'm...

Sorry.

Rainy weather is good. Time for a jog.

2008-04-17T13:51:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday, to Lissy :)

I had a dream.

In my dream, I was running, along a seemingly endless corridor of white... Running away, from... Something. I felt fear, in my heart. The most basic, primal instinct. It felt like... I was being hunted. A sport. Game.

The corridor twisted and winded, but I just kept running, running, running. In the distant, I spotted a door. I made a dash for the door. I opened the door. It led me to... Nowhere. I stepped into nothingness. I was falling, falling, falling.

Then the surroundings changed. I was standing outside the doors of a vast chamber. The doors stood, tall and grand, fit for a king. Pushing the heavy granite doors, I found myself in a throne room, of sorts. I looked up, to see a vacant throne.

In the blink of an eye, the throne was no longer vacant. The scene had shifted again. Only this time, I was in the same room. But the room... Was an inferno. All that was recognisable, was the throne, which was now in flames, too. And there, sat a figure, his looks I couldn't make out. So I went closer, closer, to satisfy my curiosity.

I saw... Myself. Sitting on the throne, right there, eyes closed, with a peaceful smile on my face. But it wasn't me, how could it be me? So I tapped 'my' shoulder. Bad choice. His eyelids lifted, but, total darkness I saw, in his eye sockets. He opened his mouth. A horrible screech I heard. I covered my ears... On my knees. Incapacitated, by the horrendous shriek.

Then I opened my eyes. I was, once again, free-falling into nothingness. Just falling, into a seemingly bottomless darkness.

I woke up, covered in cold sweat.

Weird dream I had.

Wine of Life, Sands of Time.

2008-04-16T11:58:00.000+08:00

Long time, long time.

While enjoying my warm shower this afternoon, I was reminded of a news article, that i'd read about two weeks back. It was about some green lasers being aimed at passenger planes in Australia. The reason why, that article caught my attention, was simple. I was wondering how the passengers on board felt. It was seemingly like a terrorist attack, they could lose their lives, at any moment. Were they frightened? Confused? Or... Indifferent? Maybe... Ecstatic?

I believe there is a... Switch... Inside the human mind. This switch... Toggles the patterns and behaviour, of humans. Let's say... The switch is almost permanently in the "Off" position. Which means, we're in our normal behaviour. However, this switch... Can flip to the "On" position, when triggered by certain events. This causes us to act irrationally, sometimes even posing a danger to ourselves/others. We shall call this switch, the... "Self-destruct Switch".

When the self-destruct switch (SDS) is activated, as I mentioned earlier, we start to behave in a way, that, deviates... Doesn't seem like... Ourselves. These events that trigger the activation, could be trivial, or serious. For example, I had a friend, let's name her W. W had her SDS activated a few years ago, when a close friend she regarded as her Big Brother, wanted nothing more to do with her. It was like... Her world had come crashing down on her. It pained me to see her, act in that way too, 'cos she was like a little sister to me. Wrist-cutting, threatening to jump into the Singapore River to drown herself, just to name a few. Quite different, from her usual jovial self.

Another good example, was another news article I read a few years back. Correct me, if my memory fails me. I read about this kid, who committed suicide, because his parents didn't want to buy him a new handphone. (Is that right? I don't remember clearly, but eh, the gist is there.) Now, i'm not saying that it's stupid, to want to take your own life, over any issue we deem trivial. We don't seem to be putting ourselves in others' shoes. We may think it's trivial, but to someone else, it could mean the world. It's not in our position to, eh, label someone stupid. For taking his/her own life, over something WE deem trivial. Rather than we ourselves, stupidly thinking, 'how stupid of someone, to take his/her life over something so trivial', shouldn't we find something more constructive to do, like, identifying people who are clearly distressed, and try to help them out? But yeah, it's stupid, to want to take your own life, 'cos, I believe, any problem can be solved, if we sit down and think long, think hard, enough. (I'm just saying, it's not right to want to take your own life, because life's more valuable than that. Incoherent thought. Back to the point.)

It is possible, to shutdown the SDS, in, eh, less extreme cases. The psychological stress and trauma caused, in some individuals, could be so great, it's irreversible. But generally, generally... Just show the troubled individual... That you'll be there. That you genuinely care for their well-being. In W's case, I got her to tell me what's wrong. Though I didn't probe much. Though I didn't dispense advice, 'cos I know, advice isn't what she needed. In most cases, advice isn't what the individual needs. I don't want/need any advice myself, when I tell someone about my problems, unless i'm really lost, and ask for it. Probably the suggestions you're giving, he/she already thought of. So yeah, most troubled individuals... They only need a listening ear. For someone to know what they're going through. For someone to understand what's going on in their minds. For themselves to know, that someone genuinely cares for them, in this vast, unfeeling world. Slowly but surely, W's SDS deactivated. She stopped with her nonsense, and reverted to her usual self. To date, W is happy and well.

In some special cases, people who have their SDS activated, somehow manage to think it through rationally, and come to self-actualisation, that they're acting irrationally.

At this point, probably what I just typed above, doesn't seem to have link to the news article about the faux terrorist attack. Let me explain, why i'm so intrigued about said article. I wondered, if any of the passengers on board the plane, were in some kind of psychological distress. And if there were any, were their SDS(es) already activated? What was going on through their head(s)?

"Yes, i'm going to die. Liberation..."

"Could I die, a more gruesome death?"

"My torment is finally, finally... Over."

Probably something along that line. It's dangerous, to think like a suicidal person, because you might start to act like one. So... Kids. Don't try this at home.

It's such a saddening fact... That people even contemplate killing themselves. And yet. It's not surprising. I say that, because I once entertained such thoughts, too. Lol. I once thought of studying psychology, so I could better understand, such individuals. But... I'm only human. There's a capacity, as to how many problems, I can listen to... I identify with people's problems so much, that I guess, one day i'd probably kill myself, if I were to practise psychology. It doesn't mean, that i'm not interested in the subject. Morbid thought. To want to know about suicide. But still, it's interesting.

Maybe thoughts of suicide, is actually a psychological defensive mechanism, but that's another thought for another post. Lols.

I don't know why I blogged about this.

2008-04-04T12:21:00.000+08:00

I dislike driving, with my mom sitting beside me. Why, you ask?

Instance #1:

Mom: "OI! you going to hit the car beside us!"
Les: *panic mode*

Instance #2:

Mom: "EH! you missed the turn!"
Les: *panic mode*

There're more instances that i'd like to quote, but that should suffice in explaining why.

I dislike fucked up taxi drivers. Mind you, i'm not referring to all taxi drivers, just the fucked up ones who think they own the road. Why, you ask?

The reason is simple.

Who the fuck, horns at the car, in front of them, while waiting for the space in between yellow box and traffic light to fill up, on a busy road? Fucked up taxi drivers. I got my bit of revenge this afternoon, after such a thing happened to me, and the same taxi driver happened to travel along the same one lane traffic road with me. Road hogging, just to piss fuckers off, is fun. :D

Back to station, tomorrow. :(

Random post.

Taking advantage versus exploit.

2008-04-03T11:02:00.000+08:00

There is a very fine line between exploiting, and taking advantage, of someone.

Let me explain why, won't you? :)

In my context, to take advantage of me, I probably wouldn't mind at all. In fact, I would most likely be a willing party.

The difference in exploiting and taking advantages, would be that, I wouldn't be all that willing, if you were exploiting me, but, I still wouldnt mind it all that much, if it were once or twice. (IN MY CONTEXT.)

Contrary to popular belief, if you choose to repeatedly exploit me, it would most likely earn you a kick... Where it hurts the most.

So.

You have been warned. :)

Should one always forgive?

2008-04-01T13:54:00.000+08:00

Forgiveness, and the capacity of Man, to forgive, has constantly been one of life's many wonders. To be able, to brush aside wrongdoings done unto us, it wouldn't be exaggerating, to say that, this is what makes us human.

Somewhere within us, resides a yardstick, a gauge of sorts, that determines the severity of impact, caused by actions of people around us. This yardstick, may differ greatly, from person to person. From this gauge, we decide, whether it is trivial enough to let go of it, or whether it's so serious, that it's unpardonable. Example, stealing petty cash from a rich man, versus from a poor bloke. The poor bloke would probably be cursing his perpetrator, along with his next 18 generations of offspring, whereas the rich man, would probably not even notice that his cash was missing.

Looking at it from a religious aspect, most religions preach that Man should forgive and forget. Example, The Story of Joseph, in the Holy Bible. Joseph was sold off to become a slave boy, by his brothers, who were jealous that he was favoured by their father Jacob. Somehow, Joseph became an important figure in Egypt, where he was eventually sold off to, and readily provided for his brothers, when famine struck the lands. People also look up to their God, for forgiveness, should they have done anything deemed as a 'sin'.

Some people may argue that there are crimes committed, that classify under 'unforgivable', that some actions can never be condoned. However, I believe that people are born with a pure, untainted heart, therefore, this is not the case. For someone to have committed a crime, he or she must have been pushed to the brink of desperation. (my idealistic view of the world. pssh.)

In a nutshell, I find that there is no harm in forgiving someone, as long as the 'level' of forgiveness, does not eat into our moral standings. Besides, as the saying goes, 'To err is human, to forgive is divine.' As a friend would put it, "wah lau eh, even donovan and cheeky play E, Smack K, still got second chance la."

LOL. Shoddy work, shoddy work. Fine tune some other day.

2008-03-31T05:52:00.000+08:00

I find that most of my blog posts have been people-oriented of late.

Let's try something else, shall we? :) This time, it shall be something... Thought-provoking. I hope.

Has anybody even sat down, for a minute, to think, like, seriously think, of their future? A projection of what they'd be doing, 5 years from now, when they've graduated, what would they be working as? Would they have already started their own family? Probably, those would be the standard questions one asks themselves, when they think of their future, but those are trivial matters.

Last night, as I lay on the cold, hard floor, waiting for sleep to overcome me, I thought of the future. Not abstract, deep thought. Just... Simple. I was just thinking... If i'd still be the same person I am, 5-10 years from now. Would definitions of my inner world, stay the same? Would I still be so simple-minded, like I am, now? Would I still be 'nice'?

Much as I hate to admit it, i've come to realise, that my inner world, almost mirrors that of a child's. My inner world... I was too full of insecurities... To want to grow up. I led a life which was too comfortable to promote growth. I was... Simple-minded... In that sense.

I always felt that there wasn't any compelling reason for me to not be nice to anybody. There could be other reasons why i'm nice to people, but currently i'm still in the midst of soul-searching. Lol. The most convincing answer I thought of so far, would be that, perhaps, just perhaps, I wished somebody would be just as nice to me, too. It, however, isn't the best answer, because, it would just mean that i'm being nice for selfish reasons. So, it is an invalid answer, as of now.

It's been a long time, I hope everybody's alright.

2008-03-19T12:27:00.000+08:00

Sometimes... I hate being happy. 'Cos... I know for certain, that, what goes up, must come down, eventually.

也许。。爱在梦的另一端，无法存活在真实的空间。

I'm.. At a loss of words currently.

Hauntings of the Past.

2008-03-16T15:31:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it. It's happening again. This cannot be.

It's like a nightmare replay.

One Final Post.

2008-03-11T04:43:00.000+08:00

One final post, regarding you, yes you.

I wonder why I still care so much. It's been ages since we ever talked. All these months, you never bothered to find out anything about me, about my life, about anything. I guess you didnt know that every single day, I was hoping you'd call me, once again, at unearthly hours of the night, like you used to, and tell me about your problems, about what's happening in your life, or about anything. I'd have very much wanted to be part of your life, your social circle, again.

Your attitude towards me, the last time we met... It was so... Cold. Unfeeling. Curt. I wonder what was going on in your mind, at that point of time. It hurt me so much to see that coming from you, but who cares? Nobody gives a hoot about anything, unless it's for themselves. It's always the case, everywhere. Every man for himself.

I'll never believe in the phrase "you reap what you sow" anymore. Maybe it's true that you'll get your just desserts if you've done something wrong, but it's not the case, if you're trying to do something right. Similarly, the efforts I put in, to salvage our wreck of a friendship, came to nought. It proves to be a herculean task.

Since when were people appreciative? Never. People lie a lot. They never mean it when they say "Thanks a lot, I appreciate whatever you've done for me" because the moment you do something out of stupidity all the 'good things' you've ever done for them, will cease to exist.

It doesn't matter now. Nothing else matters anymore. I've stepped out of your shadow, and I don't know if I should be happy or sad. Whatever the case is, I hope you'll be happy, always. Thanks for once being my friend, I'll always treat you as my best friend, though i'm quite sure you hate my guts and never want to see me again.

I wish you love, peace and joy.

-Les.

Stupidity.

2008-03-08T15:22:00.000+08:00

Now, I wonder why I answered you in that manner. It was totally different from what I was thinking. I don't understand, why it's so difficult to tell a person how you really feel about him/her.

Stupidity. Plain and simple. And all I ever wanted was for you to know.

Once More!

2008-01-19T16:23:00.000+08:00

无奈与你相遇
是我心酸的开始

无奈与我告别
是你快乐的开始

为何我的错误
是无法挽回的罪过

为何你的抉择
是无边无际的宽恕

我心疑是不是
上辈子欠了你

真是想不通看不懂
听不见女人的心思。

More emo posts for the day! LOL.

Rot Ftw.

2008-01-19T08:18:00.000+08:00

Time to rot and think of more emo chinese posts, since some people're too busy to entertain me. LOL.

就这样你悄悄地离开了我的世界
望着你的背影逐渐从我视线消失

终天耿耿于怀又无补于事
为何我总是看不开放不下

回想起来谁也怪不了谁
我与你相遇是个不幸的巧合

我不过是我
而你也不过如此

要是一天再遇见你
只想说声谢谢你

后会有期挚爱的朋友。

2008-01-17T04:30:00.000+08:00

从一开始以为你只在开玩笑
当事实摆在眼前才有此领悟

总觉得你永远无法体会
那种心痛心酸的滋味

不能理解为什么
恋人终究会变成朋友
而朋友终究会变成陌生人

在你离去的那一天
我再也找不到温暖

等得心寒才开始提醒自己
我们之前的友情不再存在

这是我们的宿命。

2008-01-16T09:31:00.000+08:00

wanted to have another chinese entry today, but i just didnt have the inspiration. haha. more to come!

2008-01-14T08:46:00.000+08:00

I'm in the mood for some Chinese today! LOL.

原本是好友
现在一无所有

当你说你不再爱我的时候
天空开始变灰白
我开始怀疑你是否曾珍惜过我？

你的答案对我来说
无所谓毕竟还要感谢你
给我一个快乐的梦游

也许总有一天
你会明白
心碎是爱情最美的结果
祝福是愛情最美的结局

whew. heh. Jianying ‘Songwriter' Ah Ying, comment pls! LOL.

Cursed Technology.

2008-01-10T10:05:00.000+08:00

Son of a gun, why's an image so hard to find?!

I want my old wallpaper :(

Melancholies of Life.

2008-01-10T05:51:00.000+08:00

My crapsh*t laptop crashed a few days back. Now it's clean as a blank sheet of paper. Lol.

So friends, you know what to do. Send me pics of class gatherings, outings etc etc, and of course MP3s! LOL.

Bored bored bored.

Where's my Guardian Angel?!

Totally random.

A very belated Happy New Year!!

A New Year, A new Start.. Hopefully.

2008-01-02T15:00:00.000+08:00

Edit

How can I soar high, when my wings've been clipped, by you? :(

/Edit

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, it's 2008! We're yet another year closer to our graves.

Okay, I probably shouldn't be blogging in such a manner, it's the start of a new year, I should be more optimistic. Ahh who cares.

Slowly but surely, we're drifting apart... It's the right thing, though it surely will cause me much hurt.. But it's alright... As long as you're happy.

For once, just for once. I'd like to sound inspirational, or at least that i'm talking sense, but i've got nothing to blog about. Lol.

Wishing all my friends a happy new year! May all of you have a great year ahead :)

Obsessions Part III

2007-12-27T04:08:00.000+08:00

I STILL don't know why i'm feeling this way.

~~Last night~~ This morning, I had a chat with a close friend, about some matter that's always been close to my heart. Though our views weren't the same regarding the issue, I do agree with something he said. I'm a fucking 2 headed snake. Yes, I guess everybody can call me that now, for doing some things that I know i'm not supposed to do, but went on ahead with it anyway. Everything I once so proudly stood for, crumbled into nothingness the moment I agreed with whatever he was saying. I'm just a big fat hypocrite. Lol. So may heaven strike me down with a lightning bolt. I can't, and shouldn't keep up with this anymore, it's not healthy for the mind. In his lingo, I should FNMN. Yet, it's just so difficult to do so.

Parents' money got stolen again a few days back. What a Christmas. I have a good idea of who's the culprit this time, though. I may not have any evidence now, but nothing will escape my ever-so-watchful eyes. Perpetrator, you have been warned.

Anyway, belated Merry X'mas to you peeps out there who even bother to read my blog.

A fool, some jagged wood, and a drip stand.

2007-12-14T05:12:00.000+08:00

Often, we judge ourselves by intention, and others by action. How true.

I fail to understand how some people think that i'm not a sensitive human being, just like everyone else. Just freakin' whack me on the head with some jagged wood, please.

This intense emotion's got me bursting at my seams... Why can't you understand the pressure i'm going through at work, why can't you just cut me some slack on my rest days? Why can't you understand that, like any other human being, I don't like to be forced to do things I don't like to do? Someone please smash a drip stand on my head.

And if you're disappointed in me, wait till you know how disappointed I am.

You might think you have a hold over me, but i'll prove you wrong. I've been long sick of putting up with this unnecessary and nonsensical duress.

Won't someone be my escape, anyone at all? :(

Obsessions Part II

2007-12-11T05:01:00.000+08:00

I wonder why i'm even feeling this way. Lol.

Obsessions.

2007-12-08T19:27:00.000+08:00

I wonder why it took me such a long time to figure out.

I was just a fool to you. Never was I a friend , in your eyes. And never, never will I be one.

"Paste Trouble Here."

2007-12-05T14:22:00.000+08:00

Recently, many friends have confided in me about troubles and the like.

In my opinion, most troubles/problems are only our own perception of things. Looking at it from a different angle, it doesn't even classify as "Minor Problem". Most of the time, these 'problems', left untouched, put themselves right, much like equilibrium in chemistry.

Real problems, on the other hand, do not rectify themselves, nor do they disappear to thin air, even with a change of perception. They require a more "Hands-On" approach. While being trickier to solve than trivial matters, it is still possible.

And then there are those problems that plague you all your life. No matter how you try to solve them, your methods never seem to work.

It's not easy, almost impossible, even.

What am I to do. :(

Refusal.

2007-11-30T11:54:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling so much angst of late.

I thought getting to serve as a firefighter during my NS stint would be cool. I thought getting into my current station was even better. Little did I expect that i'd get a dumbass for a supervisor.

Why do I say so? Simple.

"Everyone has a part to play......... You're pushing your work for me to do. I think it is unfair la."

What about YOUR reports that you got ME to do, was that being fair to me? In the first place, I DID NOT push my work to you. I merely asked if you received the e-mail the guy was supposed to forward to me.

"All I see you doing in station is play PSP."

Dude, that's what you CHOOSE to see.

"Basically this thing can be done in 10 mins. You got 24 hours a day. Spend 10 mins, you get 23 hrs 50 mins to slack. Simple thing like this, also cannot do?"

So. You're telling me I don't need to have my mealtimes, do daily routine, check appliances, admin stuff, drills etc etc?

"Next time such a thing happens again, i'll make sure you don't get to touch a PSP in station."

What kinda crap. Making such a big issue out of a simple thing.

"Complete your work this Friday, or i'll make sure you stay back the whole of Saturday."

Fxxk off man, you can confine me all you want. I'm a very free man. I got all the time in the world. I suggest you think before you speak.

Many who know me, know that I do NOT like to suck up. Usually if you treat me well, i'd do the same to you. I refuse to conform to (sucky)authority. Try speaking to me as a FRIEND, not as a god damn fxxked up superior, you'll open yourself up to a world of wonders. :)

On a side note, I passed my IPPT. I can feel the moolah rolling in $_$!

Hateful, hateful.

2007-11-24T08:59:00.000+08:00

I just found out something today, after FAILING my driving test.

Singaporean drivers are mother fxxking assholes.

Can't you FXXKING GIVE WAY TO TEST CARS, DICKWITS?

I know for sure, I wouldn't do such a fxxked up thing on the roads, behind a god damn L plate.

Don't let me catch you on the roads, mofo. You have been warned.

Fuck it, now I have to spend more money on driving lessons. Thanks to abovementioned mofo.

My reliance.

2007-11-18T04:37:00.000+08:00

Lately I think my personality's beginning to undergo changes.

I have to keep suppressing this really strong impulse to cause grievious physical hurt to the next bastard who talks to me in a condescending manner.

My temper's been at flash point. Every little thing pisses me off.

I think i'm turning into a violent freak. LOL.

I thought i'd be happier, after i'd passed out from training school. I guess I was wrong. Sure there were arguments, there were a few hopeless assholes who spoil your day, but everyone looked out for each other. Now, I know not who I can trust, and who I can't. People are so two-faced.

A discussion with a friend which I found to be true.

"It's difficult to find someone who finds you attractive, and loves you a lot."

The World Turned Into Hurtful Darkness.

2007-11-15T12:20:00.000+08:00

Took photos of Seoul Journey, but i'm feeling so lazy that I won't be posting them until sometime later maybe. Much later.

Grats to my bro Nick Yu, for having come back from ~~1 month~~ 29 days of Wallaby. Freaking had to scam 1 day and deprive him of overseas pay.

Taking my driving test in less than 10 days, how exciting. Sadly I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE UNLESS I'M UNDER SUPERVISION. By order ~~CSM~~ Parents. DAMN IT. So it's more of waking up at unearthly hours, until maybe some few months later.

Haven't really been coping well recently, both at work and at home... Shan't say much, just that I got to see for myself. The lengths that certain individuals would go, to curry favor from higher authorities. That kind of behaviour totally disgusts me.

Dished out some well deserved punishment to a certain individual, I can only say I had no regrets suggesting it to my friends, and I feel no guilt, being an accomplice. Though I knew it was wrong, I felt a very primal, savage sense of glee. Gosh, i'm such the sadist.

Now I truly believe, the pen is mightier than the sword. And if someone ever tells me in the future that "Sticks and stones can hurt your bones but words never can", i'd be sure to beat the living crap out of him/her.

I need a new HDD! I want to upgrade my computer! I want to get a new laptop! But sadly, I don't have money! LOL.

One day... Someday. I'll choose to believe for now.

Know that everything I do; I do it for you.

2007-10-24T15:39:00.000+08:00

I'd like to lie and tell myself everything's normal. I'd like to forget everything bad that happened between us. I wish... I wish nothing happened. I wish we would talk like we used to. Sadly...

Life is all about making choices. I guess I made the wrong choice that fateful night.

I wish you'd forgive and forget, yet i'm fully aware... Forgiving and forgetting isn't easy. I say that, because I myself, find it hard to even forgive someone for tresspassing against me, not to mention forget about anything that happened.

A friend mentioned to me that Faith is what holds people together. Faith... Is it really that simple to believe? Keep holding on to your beliefs, and one day, with a glimpse of hope, they might come true. I'd like to believe that someday you'd understand my intentions. Someday you'd forgive me. Someday we'd go back to how we used to be. Yet... I can't find it in myself to believe for now. I feel so... Pathetic. To have been reduced to such a state. Pathetic, Lester.

Bah, enough of the emo stuff. Trip to Seoul, Korea's been confirmed. My application for leave was successful. Leave a tag if you wish me to buy anything. As long as it's within budget, i'll do my best.

an angel;for one moment of love.

2007-10-22T15:55:00.000+08:00

The blinking cursor never seems to fail to irritate me. Heh.

I've only had 2 feelings of late. The first, the feeling that i'm having a moment of temporal liberation(No, i'm not on drugs.), and the second being that very familiar sinking feeling at the pits of your stomach, the latter being the more often of the two.

Dad's going to Korea on the 27th and I might be tagging along, if i'm able to successfully apply for leave. =D Quote Linjie "Happy like one kind" LOL. Leave a tag, if you need anything. I'll try to get the stuff, provided i'm successful in applying for leave.

I'll be meeting many people this wednesday... People whom i've not met for a very long time, and whom i'm dying to meet again.

Insomnia isn't funny, especially if you're having duty next day. Sigh.

Where is my Lucky Star?! =(

Can't you see; that's the way i feel.

2007-10-21T15:42:00.000+08:00

Urgh. Sometimes I feel like slapping myself for thinking so much about the past. And yet... Though i've told myself umpteen times that i've to let it go, in actual fact... I can't. I just... Can't.

I wished I had a chance... A chance to say i'm sorry. A chance to set things right. Sadly you gave me the death sentence.

In the past... In the past...

Stop talking about the past. In the past, policemen wore shorts didn't they? In the past, firefighters used buckets of water didnt they? Don't policemen wear long pants now? Don't firefighters have fire engines now?

I found out yesterday, that i'd had my BA facemask stolen. Genius. I guess it'll be stay home month. That god damn thing costs $800+++. Been losing so many things recently... My friends, my identity... Now, even my personal equipment?! What am I gonna lose next, myself?

Who knows.

Sometimes, it's wrong to walk away.

2007-10-19T15:21:00.000+08:00

The extra mile isn't so long a walk after all, if you walk it for friends.

Duty tomorrow. Sigh.

Deep into the dying day.

2007-10-18T03:28:00.000+08:00

Good Luck to my bro Nick Yu, who's gone to Wallaby for some NS exercise.

Epiphanies come to you when you least expect them to. As I lay in bed waiting for slumber to take over, I had a sudden realisation. In the past, it was stuff like...

"What did I do to deserve this?"

"Would it have made a difference?"

"If only..."

The keyword to the last question... If. IF only I had known... I'd be a millionaire, no?

Life sure has its way of handing shit over to you on a silver platter. It's the way you accept that silver platter that matters. Either you accept it and whine like a sore loser, or you flip that platter Life was holding into His/Her/Its(?) face, and laugh like a madman.

I guess I have a knack for being at the wrong place at the right time/right place at the wrong time. It holds true for every incident that i've encountered. Incidents that have caused me to lose friends, often the closer ones. Friendship ties... Can they really be thrown away so easily? I know for a fact that I can't... I can't. Just ignore a friend no matter how shittily he/she has treated me before. I guess that's my greatest weakness. To let a person get so close... So close to the weak spot, the human heart. And allow them to hurt me again. And again. And again.

I doubt anything is irreversible, unless of course, the event is Death. Mistakes can be corrected. Heck, look, what's the yellow ribbon project for? It's the personal perspective/prejudice that gets in the way. Oh well, but whatever floats your boat.

Had a short conversation with a friend last night, that reminded me of her. From something as small as a conversation about going for a sauna. I wish things didn't have to turn out this way. I really do. The late night chats, in which you'd confide in me, and vice versa... The hunts for good food... All gone. I think you're really evil... To have walked out of my life, leaving a void in your place. Thinking of you pains my heart, still.

I remember jokingly telling a close friend once, that i'm good at bearing grudges. However I find that I had actually told the truth then. How many days, months, years has it been? Yet though the anger, the sorrow, the pain, has mellowed, I will never forget what you did. You might think i'm on talking terms with you, but I advise you to think again. I'm just being polite to avoid the awkward silence. Comprendo?

Totally random. I dont understand what i'm blogging half the time.

On a lighter note, 19 more days till the return of my Princess. Joy!

Damn ATM machine ate my card. It claimed that my pin no. was wrong (*#^%$

Randomness.

2007-10-09T12:20:00.000+08:00

Finally, things are looking up... I hope.

Simple gestures such as a "Thank you for caring" can really make someone's day. Trust me, it just did me.

Surprisingly, my NS allowance isn't enough to sustain my expenses. Time to curb my spending.

On a lighter note, i've been playing "WTF: Work Time Fun" on my psp. Boy, is it fun.

Appreciation.

2007-10-04T14:05:00.000+08:00

Some people really don't know how to count their blessings.

At least you've got a job, a roof over your head, and you don't need to go hungry. And... You've got somebody you love/somebody who loves you. So... Quit whining.

I still blame you, for just disappearing from my life. And not informing me about it. Thanks really, thanks a lot.

Living life the way I want to? Ideally, yes. But the world is a cruel place to be in.

I think I found my Lucky Star, but... Is she willing?

Learn to appreciate, and you will open yourself up to a world of wonders.

Totally random post.

Goodbye, Friend.

2007-09-18T09:18:00.000+08:00

Memories. They will forever remain memories in my heart and mind.

"Eh Lester, you want Chinese or Malay fried rice?"

"Your balance."

"Alex, lend your 'gong' leh."

"want Milo or not?"

Letting go's never easy.

Life was too cruel to take you away at such a young age.

Rest in Peace, Lance Corporal Liu Xia Wei, Alex.

Life Is Really Cursed.

2007-09-15T07:36:00.000+08:00

Just when I had picked myself off the floor, someone just had to shove me in the back.

Totally, totally fed up. There won't be an end, nor a viable solution, to this matter. The coldness of your facial expression, it was the start of my understanding.

No matter. I'll hold my head high and walk the journey of life proud, even if I have to walk this path alone. I know I did the best I could. Nobody saw any of the effort I was putting in, though.

Having to hold my anger back to the brink of breaking point is taking its toll on my health. Perhaps I should not be so nice to everyone, after all. I believe i'm one who keeps my emotions in check, most of the time. But there are times when temporal loss of control is inevitable. Try me. You won't like it.

A flurry of emotions flood me as I write this entry. Uh oh, not good. The emo streak in me's coming back again.

Much as i'd like to say that the world is fair, nothing is, as a matter of fact, fair. Take for example, not everything that you've planned goes your way, but then again, what's the excitement of life, if it were so predictable? On the other hand, living seems so difficult, when some things that you expected so much of, too much of, fell right through.

Somehow, I feel so betrayed. Somehow, I felt you'd understand my intentions. Somehow, I felt you'd be there for me, no matter what happened. Somehow...

Somehow.

Yet it was just wishful thinking. I guess it'll be some time before I trust somebody else as much as I did you. However, I do not blame you for choosing such a drastic course of action. I was a jerk, and I deserve it.

One whom I regard as a best friend once told me, "Les, real friends... Don't give up. They just don't."

Argh. I feel the tears coming. Stop for now.

I stretched my hand out,
But you slapped it away.

Why?

One Of These Days.

2007-09-12T04:24:00.000+08:00

After so many days of emo-ing, I feel that it's time to stop.

Emo-ing is tiring, no doubt. And after thinking about it, I feel so stupid. Why be an emo kid over someone who doesn't appreciate? Totally doesn't make sense, in my humble opinion. Perhaps this friendship was never meant to be. However, I stress that i'd never not care about a friend anymore. I do still regard you as a friend, till you make it clear that we can no longer be friends. In fact, I wouldn't mind going the extra mile for friends, even at my own expense, as long as my friends are happy. I guess that's just the way I do things. So, so, so very similar to Mr. Bing. Let yourself be a willing party, then feel sore about it. However, i'm not a condom. HAHAHA.

I do feel blessed not to have one, not two, not three, but FOUR best friends in life. I do not thank God for this, however, because I do not believe that a Higher Power exists and controls our lives, as if playing a computer game of some sort. I do however, believe in Karma. Random-ness.

I'm very tempted to say that people who promise things such as 'Friends Forever" are big, fat liars, but I remember making such a grave promise to someone when I was a foolish, ignorant kid, and surprisingly, I have kept my word till present. This statement doesn't hold anymore, if, by any chance, one day, I break my promise. And i'd call myself a big fat liar. In front of the mirror.

TIME TO STOP EMO-ING~~~ Be happy always! =D Doesn't help that over half of my iTunes playlist are emo songs, though. Haha. Oh well.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I never believed in this saying until I experienced it for myself. How true.

无法守住的承诺。

2007-09-06T09:10:00.000+08:00

A sharp ringing woke me from my deep slumber this morning. I had dreams... Visions... Probably the one most burning desire I have in mind. I woke up with tears in my eyes. Silly, no? Crying over something that seems so distant, so impossible. All the good i've done for you. Erased. By one stupid mistake.

So anyway, there was a turn-out in station at 4.30am. In my half awakened status I used the sliding pole and fell down flat on my ass because my limbs weren't responding as well as they do when I am awake. Amidst the chaos I ran towards my appliance, put on my protective gear, and hopped into the appliance.

The smell was strong. Like, a "punch-to-the-face" kind of strong. A punch strong enough to knock a grown man out cold. I gagged, involuntarily. It was so sharp, so pungent, so putrid. A mixture of rotten fish and ammonia. Look out for my face on the news tonight, I think them reporters got a snap of my face.

On a lighter note, i've passed module 2 of my driving. Now i'm left with part of module 3 to complete. I'm another step closer to my driving license... But. Why. I don't feel happy at all.

Recently i've been getting a lot of accidental cuts, particularly on my left hand. I've got cuts all over my palm and fingers. CAUTION: Do not play with sharp SOGs.

Promises are empty. They haven't been, aren't going to be, and will never be fulfilled. Take that, coming from me, one who used to believe. I've been so naive.

无法守住的承诺。

Unforgiven, thanks.

I Tried,

2007-09-01T09:33:00.000+08:00

I really did.

But I failed.

Damn it, I feel emo. I'm gonna go mad.

Somebody save me.

Who would care. My life is cheap anyway.

I'm a piece of trash. Pathetic. Pathetic, Lester.

Alcohol ftl.

End.

Random Thoughts.

2007-08-31T13:15:00.000+08:00

I am very frustrated. Need an outlet.

Lesson learnt.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I think i'm too stupid for my own good.

Sometimes.

Changes.

2007-08-28T03:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think i'm not myself anymore.

My thoughts, words, actions, every single detail, they aren't distinctly Lester anymore.

Perhaps it's just me, or maybe i'm losing my grip on things.
Oh well.

The Metamorphosis i've been wanting to undergo, hopefully?

No.

I think i've changed. From an expressive person unafraid to voice out my opinions and unhappiness, to a sad, loserific hypocrite. Sad, eh?

Whatever it takes.

I will find...

Myself again.

Sighs.

2007-08-25T12:34:00.000+08:00

Know when sometimes, you just feel you're being taken for granted by the world?

That feeling totally sucks.

Use me, abuse me, dump me aside when you're done. That's the way you're supposed do things. Understand? =D

Thanks a lot.

Urgh..

2007-08-16T05:01:00.000+08:00

Just came back from duty a while ago. I'm having such a bad headache now... Urgh.

Life is boring. When can I ever conduct my first ever rescue?!

Bastards.

I saved $12 meal allowance yesterday. LOL. The Sir treat us KFC 2pc chicken meal for dinner. =D

My 100th Post!

2007-08-02T13:55:00.000+08:00

YEAAAA! My 100th post!

Oh well. Been delaying my 100th post since I want to post something meaningful. Today, my 100th post will be about... Life's Firsts.

Within the week, I went for my First driving lesson. Damn fun la can. haha. Going around the circuit at 30-40km/h, until the instructor stepped on the brake cos he was afraid i'd hit the car in front. Hah!

And also, my First time getting trapped in a lift.. It's not a good experience I tell you. I was at the station at 6am, using the lift to get to the 4th floor since, well, breathing apparatuses don't just walk up to the 4th floor by themselves do they. So I got in, pressed the "4" button, and waited. The lift began its ascent, when suddenly... *GRRHS* the lift stopped, and the lights went out. DAMN MAN LIGHTS OFF IN A CONFINED SPACE DON'T BODE WELL. Haha. I was very panicky and I fumbled in the darkness for my handphone, called somebody outside to rescue me. The lift restarted only after 15 minutes have passed. The freakiest 15 minutes of my life.. Couldn't help but let my imagination run wild. Past horror flicks i'd watched before with lifts involved flashed through my mind. Haha.

Then there's the First time i'm eating durians... In a long time. Haha. Been years, probably, since I last tasted a durian. Miss the savoury texture, the aroma, the strong yet pleasant taste.. Haha.

And also the First time i've Hated this much. Shan't elaborate on that though. I'll try to forgive, but no promises. :) Hating someone is not very easy... It's... Tiring. To say the least. But i'm the embodiment of Grudge. I bear grudges, even after years have gone by. Sounds petty, no? But that's the way I work.

And... I can't wait for my First Rescue! Better still if I rescue someone as pretty as, say, Felicia Chin. Haha! But as always, i'm daydreaming again...

Speaking of Felicia Chin, the show Honour And Passion is damn good. It's a Must watch can! Haha. Catch it on Mediacorp channel 8, every weekday at 9pm!

Well, sorry if this post wasn't of much meaning. Haha.

Duty tomorrow. I'll go hide at the mess room at 9pm to catch Honour And Passion. =D

The words unspoken, say how you feel.

2007-07-21T13:18:00.000+08:00

So.

Just got home a while ago, turned on my laptop, half expecting Princess to be online as usual. It took me a while to realise that i'd just sent her off from the airport a few hours ago. I hate saying goodbyes at the airport. It is, most of the time, a tearful, if not heart-wrenching, event after all. It pained me to see her walk into the departure gates acting happy, to see the Queen shed tears, and the King stoic as usual. Sigh... Saying goodbyes are never easy. Though it'll only be 12 weeks... 12 weeks... Is a very long time. I'd probably have gotten my Class 3 driving license, already have known how to communicate using Japanese, decided what to study when I've finally ORD-ed and go to uni. Heck, i'd even have watched 12 episodes of anime.

And yet... 12 weeks can be just as short. In the blink of an eye, half the year is over again. It's hard to describe really, but I think you should know what I mean. Funny how time passes so slowly when you will it to speed up, yet passes so quickly that your hair's already turned white with age, without realising it.

Learn from the Past, Treasure the Present, Look forward to the Future.

P.S. It's been quite some time since I wrote something of such depth as this entry. Haha. On a lighter note, it's my 99th post on this blog! And i've come up with my blogskin v1.3 hahaha. Notice the difference?

A New Look, A New Start.

2007-07-18T11:07:00.000+08:00

So...

New background done on photoshop. It's new but i'm loving it already. Heh. Something simple and plain, melancholic, monochrome, whatever you call it. It's what i'm feeling currently. (:

Too bad it's only IE-friendly. Sorry, Mozilla users :(

Comments please.

[edit]

I forgot to post pics from sat... So... Here goes!

Cynicisms Of Life.

2007-07-18T04:05:00.000+08:00

The Cynic is back, yet again.

So.

After a rather lengthy conversation with my Princess, we have come to a conclusion that MOST humans are selfish beings. Why, you ask, is this so? Think about it. Aren't humans stupid to repeat the same mistakes they did before? Aren't their deeds, they so-called claim to be for the greater good, actually for their own benefits?

Similarly, i've met a few examples of these kind.

Sample Specimen: Meet Shrek.

This... Lazy bastard, to say the least. Always walking, talking and acting like he knows every single thing. MR KNOW IT ALL. p.s. don'y you find a similarity in the facial features between him and Shrek? =x

So anyway, he was once a person I looked up to. Initally, that is. I even remembered promising to get him a Sony PSP should I successfully pass out from my course. That was during the time when I was suffering from Bronchitis. Godly. SO... Anyway, after seeing for myself his true colours, I distanced myself away from him, and I made a silent promise to myself to undo the promise I made to him months back. BUT... During the last week of the course, when we were sitting inside the classroom.

Les. : *Minding own business.*

Shrek: *Sits behind Les., beside James.*

Shrek: *Claps hands* Yay, i'm getting a PSP soon!

Les. : *Lost for words*

Fucking thick skinned. Like his hide's made of 5inch thick titanium. After the way you treated me, you think i'd still buy you a PSP? Dream on, sucker!

And I remember very vividly, the time when we were scheduled for a trip to Brunei. Shrek's ligament tore so he couldn't go along. He asked me to buy him vodka. The way he asked, was like, well... Judge for yourself.

Shrek : "Eh Lester, when you all coming back can help me buy Vodka? Haha.."

Les. : "See how la, I might want to buy some for myself.."

Shrek : "Please la, help me buy leh... Brother or not? If you call yourself a brother help me buy la.."

Wtf. So he used the word "brother" to compel me to buy.

Okay so I didn't even volunteer to buy for him, and he asked me as if I owed it to him. Goodness. What's the world coming to mans. So okay, I got the damn vodka for him in the end. AND he expects me to lug it into camp, which is like, DUH OBVIOUSLY illegal.

Les. : "I'm not gonna do that, it's illegal."

Shrek : "Help me bring it into camp la.. Please. Just put it under your clothes, they won't check your bag one. Can la. Thanks!"

Fucked up man. So in the end I had to seek help from my best friend in camp, who similarly dislikes the way Shrek treats his 'friends'. This buddy of mine, kept the liquor at his girlfriend's house, and took the trouble of asking his girlfriend to come to camp in the weekend just to pass the liquor to Shrek. That's the reason why I put "MOST humans", not "ALL humans", because of good friends who are more than willing to help without expecting anything in return.

Conclusion :

Sever all ties with Shrek. Thank goodness. The so-called 'friendship' was driving me up the wall. I'd rather make do without it. Mind you, this is not the only incident that caused friction between me and Shrek, it's only the spark that set off the blaze.

On a lighter note, thank goodness I don't need my BTT slip to apply for a PDL! I lost it somewhere in my room, and I couldn't find it despite having ransacked my room twice yesterday. So my VERY FIRST driving lesson will be on 29/07/07 (Sunday)! CLASS 3 IN 2 MONTHS TIME~~~ ACHA ACHA FIGHTING! Okay the korean soap dramas my sis/mum watch are getting to me -_-!

A Small Add-On.

2007-07-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

I'll be taking driving lessons soon! Booked my very first driving lesson next sunday, which means I have to go to the driving centre sometime during my off days next week to get my PDL. I can't wait to start driving!

Well, at least it'll save me the trouble of having to wake up at 4.45am in the morning during my duty days. (:

And I can officially say goodbye to public transport when I own a driving license!

Therefore, I have decided to... Pump money into my driving student account. Like maybe a whole month's NS allowance. I aim to get my driving license within 2 months' time!

Wahahaha. Driving lessons, here I come! Look out for my "L" Plate Sign!

-Les.

Yep... It's One of Those Random Times Again.

2007-07-16T16:26:00.000+08:00

So... I've been at this page for a few days already, staring at the blinking cursor for hours on end, then closing the window altogether. I feel that I want to blog, just that I don't know what to blog about. Oh well.

Went back to school to collect my A Level cert today. I miss that place. The place I used to hate, loathe, abhor, whatever. But thinking back, I do miss being a student. Beats NS life, anyways. Met Jia Hui (the Heartless Cad #1), Sin Yi (the Heartless Cad #2), Mei Zhuang (Porky Pig) and Tern Wen (Quacko). It's been such a long time since i've hung out with them... Miss my social life back then. All i'm stuck with now are *****s =x shh. I think most of you should know.

So I met Sharmagne incidentally at Boon Lay bus interchange while I was rushing off to school to pick up my cert. Her friend's pretty darn hot! =x They were going for the NTU Freshies' Camp. How lucky! And while I was en-route to the toilet in Jurong Point, I saw Tabby as well o_o it's a small world after all.

Almost everyone I know is going overseas for further studies. :( Oh well. I hope I don't lose contact with them!

On the working side, Jurong Island Fire Station's been pretty much boring. The only real things I do in the station are morning drills and sentry. -_- Sentry's been so boring that I have to resort to finding a 'victim' to call up at unearthly hours. I'm thankful for having good friends to disturb at these unearthly hours. :)

On the general, my OFFICIAL TO-DO LIST is still.... AS LONG AS WHEN I LEFT IT PREVIOUSLY BEFORE. GOODNESS. I guess.. It's ~~Clobberin' Time!~~ -_- Time to get my stuff done. During my off days (Again, thankfully, i only work 1/3 the month) I want to get my driving lessons, learn the Japanese Language (how to read write kanji, hiragana etc.) the list just goes on.

Can you believe it? Someone thought I was 24! Goodness. I don't look THAT old, do I? :(

CANT WAIT FOR THURSDAY. WHEE~~~~~ =D but then again, I wish time would come to a standstill. =/

Sat afternoon at The Nordster's Place. =D But I don't know why I can't seem to upload them photos. Darn. Some other time, maybe

Oh Blimey.

2007-07-09T21:29:00.000+08:00

Time Flies.

Happy Birthday to my beloved princess!

first day of work today @ jurong island fire station... well not exactly. I was at Alexandra FS for like almost the whole day waiting for the store personnel to issue our personal equipments. How inefficient. actual time spent at JIFS was less than half an hour =x i hope my PPE dont ilang tomorrow. there werent enough lockers in the locker room and they had to make space for me, so meantime all my stuff lie in a corner of the locker room. FYI ilang = missing in malay. I labelled everything with a permanent marker, but i'm still worried my stuff will go missing. As they say, there're many thieves in the station. o_o

I GOT MY SOG MULTI-TOOL. WAHAHAHA. It's something i've been after for 6 months. =DD =DD

I just love station life. i get 2 days off for every 24 hour shift that i do.effectively means that i only work 1/3 the month. BUT i get paid better than most sarges. =DDDDD

It's only words,
And words are all I have, To take your heart away . :)

Live a life without regrets...

2007-05-20T01:41:00.000+08:00

Cos regrets suck. Haha. Nothing more to be said.

Anyone wanna ask me out? National Slaves lead sad lives.

Honey, I'm Home!

2007-05-15T02:57:00.000+08:00

OH YES. GUESS WHO'S BACK!

Well the Brunei trip wasn't half as bad as I had thought, but it was tough nonetheless.

Day 1: Briefing. Learnt more about the course, got to know our instructors. Nothing much. NEXT!

Day 2: The most fun day. Learnt defensive swimming as it was water activities day! Just in case we had problems with the quick flowing currents of Sungei Temburong.. Hehe. Went water rafting after that! Had great fun screaming "FASTER ROW! LANGGA THE FRONT CANOE!" 'cos only 2 groups had the big raft and the rest had to be split into pairs. We use size to our advantage! Managed to make one of the canoes run aground. =D

Day 3-5 : The 3 Hell Days of OBBD. Jungle trekking o_o It was a rainy day after another, as if the sky was about to fall. None of our uniforms were dry throughout the 3 days, causing most to fall sick, including myself. I started to run a fever on the evening of day 4, which lasted all the way to day 6. Points to note: *insert pretty female paramedic here* =x these were the 3 days where I had most interaction (NO sexual references here) with A. , having helped her to climb up and down steep slopes, cross rivers which where somewhere from knee deep to chest deep for me, a little too deep for her comfort, and thus I had to find paths which were not as deep, not to mention helping her to 'test water' by stepping on rocks and boulders to see which were slippery and which weren't. The toughest of the lot, but my personal fave! Oh, did I mention that she fed me some food when i was having fever? =D

Day 6 : Had to report to the medical centre with the urge of my instructor El. i was surprised that my temperature was 38.9 deg Celsius! 'Cos of my fever the medic said it was better for me to sit out on the Solo Night. Probably missed out on quite a bit of fun, there. Heard funny stories like this retard who pressed the airhorn meant for emergencies just to "scare the bee away la!" and my Watch Leader who said he was so bored he had no one to talk to, he started talking to the trees! LOL. In the Evening we were issued our OBBD & OBS certs, proving that we had completed the OBBD 7 day Junior Leader Course. It was given out in an interesting way, and I guess a woman's instinct is, rather accurate, to say the least. I think El knew what was going on in my mind.

El : "Now i'm going to hand you your certs, but it will be done differently. I don't want to shake the hands of all 19 of you, my hand will break. I will pass your cert to a friend, and to the same friend I will pass the other person's. Then when I say ready, you go look for your friend with your cert, give him or her a good hug, a pat on the back, anything you want."

And she looked at me knowingly after going around the circle and passed me A.'s cert. Well I had planned to give her a pat on the head like I always did, but surprisingly she did give me a hug, so I had to reciprocate. =x

In the same evening after supper, I walked back to our lodging to be greeting with a big whiff of Shieldtox when I opened the door. Immediately I had to run outside and empty the contents of my stomach. Yet no damn fool was willing to help despite me having retched and choked outside for 10 full minutes. Only heard some asshole, S., shouting.

S.: "OI PARAMEDIC. 11 MINUTES RESPONSE TIME RIGHT? SOMEONE DYING OUTSIDE"

And yes, expectedly A. came to take a look. She advised me to go wash my face n gurgle to clear my air passages, and I really felt better after that. So when I went back...

S.: "Oi Ochura, feeling better ah? Why? Got A. number already issit?"

Fucktard. What, do you think I have to stoop down to such a low extent like yourself, feigning illness to get a girl's contact number? Well guess again.

Day 7: The happiest day of OBBD. WE'RE GOING HOME! And yes we did, I had motion sickness on board the flight though.

Landed in one piece back in sunny Singapore. I miss this place. Check back for another update soon!

-Les.

Writer's Block.

2007-05-06T06:58:00.000+08:00

So... I've been staring at this screen blankly for the past hour thinking of what to blog about. Seems I've lost the ability to write.

Training's been hell since we haven't put on our bunker gear for so long. Not to mention having to do scenario drills.

SGT: "There's a fire on the 8th floor. I give your section 2 minutes to get the water supply working. The dry riser's working, lift down, left passageway blocked. MOVE."

So yes, we were tired as hell running up 8 floors carrying a rolled up hose or two. Lucky bastards in charge of water supply. For the worst part we failed to get the water supply up and running within 2 minutes, so we had to redo the whole damn thing at least 3 times before we got it right.

There's been a virus spreading in camp, everyone seems to be getting fevers on and off. Thankfully I haven't gotten sick since the Bronchitis episode. IT's MY TURN TO LAUGH NOW SICK CHICKENS. *insert evil laughter here.*

Cuz's left SG already. Aww. :(

Brunei awaits me next week. Lord help me. Lol. 1 week of conditions worse than BMT field camp. Have to take anti malaria pills for a whole month. o_o!

Life's been pretty much busy now that we don't have a maid. Here's a list of chores that i've done for the day.

-Wash the cars.
-Sweep/mop the whole of 2nd floor.
-Wash the dishes
-Clean up the backyard (Pending)
-Wash my clothes
-Iron my uniforms (Pending)

Whew. Now most of that's done, I need to go to Beach Road tomorrow to get stuff for next week's trip. I still have no idea what to get. Any ideas, anyone?

Keep holding on.

2007-04-02T04:48:00.000+08:00

A very wonderful start to April! Not.

Got a call from one of my course mates at 1.30am informing me of a recall exercise that was happening in camp. Fyi, recall means that i have to rush back to camp within 2 hours. Like, hello? How am I to rush back to camp in 2 hours? I was in my PJs getting ready to doze off? And goodness. There're no buses at such an unearthly hour! Just as I was rushedly trying to pack all my stuff I received another call.

APRIL FOOL!

Screw you bitch, if you think that was funny.

Was walking along Tangs towards the train station when i thought i saw a familiar face. it was none other than sweet sweet candice! Gosh, come to think of it, i've known her for almost half my life. o_o it's been like close to 3 years since i last met her. still as pretty as always (: did a bit of catching up, she was at tangs for some church fund raising event to build houses in nepal. The Ghar Project, if i'm not mistaken. I finally had the chance to hand over her very belated birthday present to her, couldnt do so during her birthday cos i was on mc for bronchitis, and couldnt step out of the house. BY LAW. Gee does everything have to go by the book? -_-

Went to CPF building Sakae Sushi after that with chien tern sinyi and jiahui last night for buffet. No photos taken, but the scene was hilarious. Chawanmushi addicts. o_o probably after someone ordered the 10th chawanmushi, chien said, "Oi the chef angry. Listen, maybe can hear him say OI NO EGG LIAO LA!". LOL. For some reason the topic shifted to me.

C: "Les cant work in Sakae as a chef next time."

All: "Why?"

C: "If I come eat at Sakae and order my 5th chanwanmushi his head will come out of that small window thing and point middle finger at me."

Les: "Mari kita rakyat..." (middle finger slowly extends.)

LOL. Yes i'm crude, but that's being myself, no? It's hard to please everyone, so might as well please yourself. =D

APRIL'S HERE. YAY. A new month, means pay day is coming~~~ One month closer to passing out~~~ HOORAY! I cant wait to pass out, there're too many bastards in course for my own good.

The keyword is "Endurance".

2007-03-26T09:23:00.000+08:00

It'll be another 3 months till my course's over. All I have to do from now till then is to ENDURE.

Surprisingly, the 5 rolls of toilet paper I brought into camp since the 2nd week have all been used up. No, I do not take a dump often. People are just too cheapskate to get their own toilet rolls. Time to be a cheapskate in camp myself. Haha.

My sergeant is damn happening man. He discusses PSP game strategies with me during our free time. LOL. My encik also, he likes to tell dirty jokes. o_o Jokes that make all of us roar out with laughter.

Encik talking...

"I know you all down here, got a lot of smokers ah. Smoker good. Smoker stress..."

(Makes a stressful face and pretends to smoke.)

"As for non-smokers ah..."

(Makes the same stressful expression, scratches his head wildly and pretends to masturbate.)

LOL.

More stories in the next post, i'll be booking in within 2 hours. Need to pack my stuff, have my dinner, take a shower etc..

Till the next time.

An Irreversible Change.

2007-03-25T01:10:00.001+08:00

EDIT!

I forgot to mention. I got a pass for my IPPT. My pull ups are barely there. However I still did better than K, who only did 2 pull ups. Now there's one reason for me to tell him to just STFU BITCH. HAHA!

So, been neglecting this small spot in the vast cyber world. Time for a long update. =D

Jan 09 2007. The day of enlistment. Where boys grow to become men. So I left most of my incredulously long To-do List undone, and with a heavy heart set foot into camp. It isn't an easy task, mind you, having to step out of your comfort zone. We were issued our combat bots, uniform no. 4, socks, swimming trunks, and whatnot. We were shortchanged though. The inventory list clearly stated "UNDERWEAR 4 PCS" which we didn't get. LOL.

The first thing that greeted us when we stepped into camp was a very 'friendly' "EVERYBODY HALF RIGHT DOWN". In the same day we got to know our instructors and DRC. Pretty nice bunch of people, I might say. No, I wasn't being sarcastic there. We get these flashy looking CSTW passes! For those who might be unaware, CSTW = Command and Staff Training Wing. We were told by our DRC that when we complete this course, most of us'd become section commanders in charge of 3 firefighters in the various fire stations. A tough training schedule ensues... It's physically taxing to put on our full bunker gear (fire jacket, leggings, fire gloves, top boots) during office hours while doing our drills, carrying hoses, running around with breathing apparatus and such. It's like being put into a sauna for a few hours. Initially most of us weren't accustomed to the heat, many fell out, some passed out and had to be sent to the medical centre. But as time went by, we started getting used to the heat.

During these 3 months in camp, I can proudly say that i have wrought some strong friendship ties with many people, especially with those that reside in the same bunk as me. Most of us are well-educated, well-mannered people, save for SOME. Regrettable, but yes, there are always a few spoilt apples in a basket of fruit. These 3 months, I would say, should have been more enjoyable if there weren't any ~~assholes~~ ~~bastards~~ ~~dickheads~~ unkind people around to spoil the fun and laughter. SOME PEOPLE just think they are high and mighty, but are unable to prove themselves. For example, K. This K person always taunts me for reporting sick.

K: "Eh Lester, why? You report sick again uh. You want to out of course is it?"

(K proceeds to give me a dirty look.)

Les : "No duh."

(rolls eyes.)

It's a freakishly retarded question to ask. If you're sick, of course you'd go to the medical centre for medicine. To hell with the number of days that I took light duty, I won't sacrifice my health over some course. If the course administrator chooses to boot me out of course, I wouldn't have any regrets. I'm not just a ~~fucking~~ lapdog who follows instructions blindly.

Take for example. We were told to march after our meals, but just to please the I/C, who gave us instructions to jog to our training ground after lunch, this K person followed the instruction, while I marched back.

(K sees me marching.)

K: "EH WHAT U DOING?! I/C SAY JOG LEH."

Les: "To hell with what the I/C said. I don't want to get appendicitis."

K: "Fuck you lah faggot."

Les: "Fuck you too bitch."

(Makes a rude gesture.)

Bloody dogs without their own opinions/way of thinking. Is it worth the 1k allowance, in exchange for your health? Hardly worth it, in my opinion. K just seems hard up for the cash.

This K person is just one of the few retards in course. Thankfully, only a minority of the course personnel are retards.

More stories next time. I'm tired.

-_-

2006-12-31T04:21:00.000+08:00

As many of you reading this can guess, my laptop's still at the repair shop. God damn!

Down with a very bad flu and a sore throat. I wake up every morning thinking that I just blew some grey matter out of my brains. Haha. And the phlegm in my throat feels like it's stuck there, I just can't clear the damn thing.

Some updates. A very belated Merry Christmas to you people out there! Though it's close to New Year already, heh. To welcome the year 2007, I have come up with my very own personal resolution. Will reveal that next time.

Time flies. It's already been like what, around 6 weeks since the A levels ended. Les has been sitting at home shaking leg the whole day 'cos he's gonna enlist in 10 days' time, and nobody wanted to hire him for such a short period of time. Bothersome.

I still resent CMPB for placing me in Civil Defense. Darn them.

I have still not come up with my Official To-Do List. I have still not blogged my personalized thank you speech to my absolutely fantastic JC classmates. I have so many things left undone, yet i'll be enlisting shortly. So many things, so little time.

So Princess Yuan is back. Had a tough time at Kbox with my throat. Haha. Yet i got something very precious from that Kbox session =X

And went to Linjie's birthday chalet recently. Before I forget..

Happy Belated Birthday Linjie!

okay, now that's done, had some shoe-flying, heart-stopping action at chalet. Haha. I'd write more stuff, but i'm going out for lunch with my parents and their friend. -_-
They'll be home soon, so until the next time.

Peace Out.

-Les.

Fly Away.

2006-11-29T04:32:00.000+08:00

LAPTOP'S UNDER REPAIRS. SORRY FOR THE "MIA' PERIOD!

As the topic suggests, i'll be flying off to Philippines for a week or so. On the day right after prom. So anyone who needs me to buy anything, leave a tag! Err, it'd be more efficient actually if u drop me an sms. I dont use this PC much 'cos my sis hogs it all the time. -_-! Even if i've already left, don't worry! I have roaming on my phone, just add a +65 in front of the number. =D

Speaking of prom, I finally got my suit yesterday. I'd post pics of it, but i'll leave it for after prom/when I come back from my trip. It's a surprise (:

Went to Sentosa yesterday with the gang for an unfruitful suntanning session. It rained halfway. ):
And I forgot to remove the plaster on my left shoulder, now there's a plaster mark there -_-! LESSON OF THE DAY: DO NOT USE A PLASTER THE DAY BEFORE U ARE GOING FOR A TAN. =P

Pics when I get back! I'm too lazy to pull out the wires on the CPU, it's too messy. LOL.

To-Do List After A Levels =D

2006-11-15T14:17:00.000+08:00

So I have already come up with a To-Do list after the A's! =D

TOP PRIORITY.... DRIVING!! So I can drive around town picking girls up. LOL. Just kidding! I'm not that type of person -_-!

And secondly, I have a training schedule to follow right after the A's! Jogging, gymming, swimming, anything you can think of. o_o Not only can I shed off the excess weight I gained during the exam period, I can prepare for the supposedly hell-like training in NS as well! Oi just because i'm in Civil Defense, don't look down on me please! =( I heard the training there's just as tough, if not tougher, than BMT.

Thirdly... I dont know. LOL. Will put up my OFFICIAL TO-DO LIST right after the exams. =D

I feel so happy that this madness will end soon. I had a few classmates succumb to the stress already. =/

And to everyone who's concerned about my $$$ that SOMEONE owes, thanks, but worst comes to worst and he doesn't pay up, i'll just treat it as 泼水财！ Bad luck means bad luck, I can only say. Could've used it to repair my keyboard as well, LOL. But never mind that, I just hope he's learnt his lesson.

Physics paper 3 tomorrow, many consider it to be the last paper already. HEH. Good luck to everyone taking exams! Last 2 papers, then we are free, free from this hellhole we currently are in. Soar free like a bird in the limitless skies, when that time comes, my friends!

I have a very horrible feeling that I will not be able to make it into a local University, and the worst case scenario would be packing up and flying off to China, as how I overheard my parents talking to a family friend about their plans with me. =/ But i'll be optimistic, since I stand a good chance with chemistry and physics. =D

Off with lies. I'm sick of lies ad empty promises. Don't ever lie to me, I hate lying S.O.B.s =D

Bricked Keyboards Suck.

2006-11-06T16:38:00.000+08:00

Yes my keyboard are bricked so I shan't type much. It's such a pain to type with the "E" key constantly depressing by itself.

Example: th quicek breowen foex juempes oevre th lazy doeg.

The actual line would be: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."

I'll probably get it fixed after A's, if i can bear to part with my $$$. Haha.

Yes so the pain comes when I edit the wordings for readers' convenience. So that the sentences look normal. Believe me, it took about half an hour to get this done. -_-!

PICS. More next time, i'm sleepy. Good night, World.

Good Luck to All!

2006-11-02T13:34:00.000+08:00

To all who were wondering why I got into Civil Defense... I just remembered an interesting fact...

Those Sons Of Guns at CMPB AGAIN.

I remembered on the day I went for my medical, the counter staff printed out my particulars and asked me to verify that the details were correct. I remember seeing clearly that the birthplace printed on the sheet of paper was W. MSIA so I told the menopausal woman.

Les: "Err, there's a mistake here. It's supposed to be Philippines."

Menopause: "Aiyah never mind one lar, not a big difference."

To make sure I EVEN circled the damn thing and wrote in caps PHILIPPINES.
Seems those lazy bastards didn't get the point. And thanks to the tardiness of the CMPB staff, i'm stuck in Civil Defense -_-! CMPB should really get its act together. Maybe re-hiring of new staff would do the trick. Those people are so damn unfriendly.

Yes A Levels are starting tomorrow. Whoopee -_-! It's gonna be another nerve-wracking night.

The MADNESS starts NOW.

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE!

-Les.

Recovery.

2006-10-26T16:27:00.000+08:00

Somehow it doesn't feel real.

Somehow it seems so distant, so ethereal.

But it's only 3 weeks more till the end of exams. The determining factor in our 12 years of education. The final lap.

Let's all work hard, especially to SOMEONE. Oh, i'm sure many of you know who i'm referring to. Don't waste your damn time on maple. Hope all of us can make it.

Work hard, everyone!

So i've recovered from fever/sore throat. YAY. =D

I'm still feeling lazy so no pics for now.

Good Night, World.

Peace Out.

-Les.

Curse You!

2006-10-24T12:30:00.000+08:00

To the old geezer who was wheezing on the damn bus this afternoon.

CURSE YOU.

You see. I was sleeping on the bus on my way to Kallang.

Like so. Don't laugh at the bedsheets. It ain't my bed in the first place. -_-!

And that old muthafuckah decided to sit beside me, while I was minding my own business and busy with sleep.

So I woke up after he coughed violently a few times, thinking that maybe he was gonna choke to death on his phlegm, and that maybe he needed some help. Turned to look at that old geezer and saw that he was perfectly fine. His coughing disrupted my sleep, so anyway i decided to stay awake for the rest of the journey since it was nearing my stop anyway.

Barely 3 minutes after the coughing episode, I saw that muthafuckah sneezing his head away, without even bothering to cover his pie-hole. Okay, I may sound rude to the elderly in this post, but it's perfectly justifiable okay!

Jesus, how unhygienic. Singaporeans, especially the elder ones, should be taught to be aware of public hygiene. CLOSE YOUR GOD DAMNED MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH/SNEEZE ASSHOLE.

So yes, i'm down with a fever and sore throat, THANKS to that old bastard.

I'd go on about cursing, "I hope he'd contract syphillis." and such, but I shan't be mean. =P

The medicine cost me like more than half my weekly allowance. Damn him. Lucky my finances havent reached a point where i'd have to...
'Teng Kor, sell shirt and sleep nekkid on the streets." -Chien Shen

LOL.

So concludes my rantings for today.

Pics!

From Left: Bahar, Les, Sharm, Ghim. Strangely, I look like I melded in shadows. Think I moved when the shutter closed. LOL. Pic taken completely out of boredom.

It spells "L-O-V-E", the love we have for 05S13. =D I'm seriously gonna miss my class peeps. And my face was distorted, somehow. LOL.

Would put up more pics, but i'm one lazy bastard. But forgive me okay, i'm feverish. More pics another time.

Peace out.

-Les.

All I did was ask.

2006-10-22T11:52:00.000+08:00

It feels like the worst day of my life.

Imagine going to some restaurant for lunch, with family and friends, and you receive a call from one of your good friends asking you out for a movie.

After phone call..

Les: "Ma, can I go watch a movie with my friends later? It's at 8.50pm"

Ma: "WHY SO LATE. WATCH EARLIER SHOW CANNOT IS IT?! CANNOT WATCH TOMORROW ISSIT?!"

Gosh all I did was ask nicely.

And imagine being pang-seh'd by your friends for tuition, though it wasn't so bad since tuition class was cancelled anyway, and you decide to try your luck with your mum about going out again.

Les: "Ma, tuition's been cancelled, can I go watch an earlier movie?"

Ma: "GET HOME BY 10PM *SLAMS PHONE*"

Jesus, all I did was ask nicely!

And imagine the worst case scenarion when you got scolded just so you could get out of the house, and in the end the time slot you wanted was full, AND you quarreled with your friends 'cos you didn't want to drag them down just 'cos you couldn't watch a movie with them. Not to mention the awkward feeling you get when you send him an sms of apology. And what's worse, you had to go home early instead.

Les: "I'm sorry I yelled. I didn't want to drag everyone down with me."

Peter: "It's all right."

And imagine yourself getting the worst shit-ass attitude from your sister when you get home, just 'cos you wanted to borrow the PS2 DualShock2 controller, since the game doesn't run on DualShock controllers.

Les: "Eh sis, do you have a DualShock2 controller?"

Sis: "HAVE LA, I NEVER USE BEFORE."

Les: "Could I borrow it, then? The game doesn't run on DualShock."

Sis: "WHAT FOR?! PLAY OTHER GAME LAH!!"

Okay fine, I get the point. All I did was ask nicely. The attitude was uncalled for.

Sometimes, I wonder if anyone would remember who/what I am/was if I were to die one day. Would anyone cry for me, or perhaps mourn for my demise? And I wonder, would anyone care? More often in life we hear stuff... Stuff that aren't pleasant to our ears, stuff that wasn't what we hoped to hear.

But i'll stay strong.

I promise that to myself, at the very least.

Peace out.

-Les.

Ahh.. The Great... Outdoors?

2006-10-19T04:03:00.000+08:00

Yes, I found out that I had been neglecting my blog for such a long time. Been busy preparing for the upcoming A Levels.

And my sis's back from her "Mountain Escapades" in The Philippines. She terms it so since she stayed with my Auntie Nenita, more affectionately known as "Ah-yee", at Baguio, where my aunt runs her hotel business. And since she's been enrolled into the TP Tourism Academy, she felt it would be good experience to see how a hotel runs. Probably she was only playing around there, 'cos she came back looking fat and jolly. LOL. It's not a punt at Santa Claus btw.

And she came back with the PS2. Ooh, Evil. But i shall resist the temptation. Then again, i'm not good at that. Haha. And she came back with my digicam, back in tip-top shape. WOO HOO. Princess, if you're reading this, your eyes back here in sg are restored! Photos photos photos =p

Be back soon for more updates. Off to Full Day No-Life Mugger mode. =D

Betrayal.

2006-10-03T15:52:00.000+08:00

"All the world's a stage..and the men and women merely play..." - William Shakespeare.

Came across this quote while wikipedia-ing. How true.

I feel betrayed. I guess this is it, what my class people would term 'E O F'. I would have disappeared from your life, like the insignificant dust particle that I am to you, if I didnt have any obligations to help another friend. You didn't have to lie about a single damn thing. I can take the truth. Yes it may hurt, but i'll take it like a man.

I guess it'd be good to put on a mask during the course of our daily lives. Then people wouldn't really know your true feelings, thoughts, or emotions. But then again... I'd be branded plastic. I don't really want that. I just want to be true to myself.

I'm glad I have other wonderful friends, friends that care. Life goes on, with or without you. I cherished the friendship we had, but I guess it didnt mean a thing to you, sad to say. Wishing you good luck in the journey of Life, my Friend. May we never meet again.

Peace out.

Les.

Musings.

2006-10-02T13:10:00.000+08:00

Ever felt like everything was perfect, Only to find out that it had all been a lie?

Well, I just had that experience.

Thanks lots.

and i've turned my back on you, on everything, on the world.

Leave me alone...

Emotions are fire.

2006-10-01T11:41:00.000+08:00

Don't play with mine.

What started out as a good day turned really bad just before lunch. A few days ago I reminded my parents that my subscription was going to expire in 3 months, and that I could get a new phone soon. So they said okay. And this morning...

Les: "Ma, i'm thinking of getting either of these 2 phones..." *Points at the N73/K800i*

Ma: *Looks at price* "Wait long long, it's too expensive. Phones devalue quickly. You also buy phone to call/sms ppl mah. Need so many functions for what."

If those are the sole purposes of cell phones, I don't see why she bought for herself the N70, when it was JUST released. (:

Price of K800i: $488 with new line/subscription.
Price of N73: $538 with new line/subscription.

Trade-in value of 7260 : $100

Net price of K800i: $388
Net price of N73: $438

It's even cheaper than her N70 when she got it. -_-

And she said so much stuff that even Pa overheard.

After lunch...

Pa: "Eh, u want to change with my N70 or not."

Les: "....."

Pa: "Don't want then sua."

Feeling quite sad. I've been their son for over 18 yrs, and they don't really know what I want. I wanted either of those phones for the cam function. Not the 3G or anything.

Better than expected?

2006-09-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

Some of ~~our~~ my horrendous results were returned yesterday. I'm damn disappointed with my GP essay. Walked out of the hall feeling really confident, only to get such poor results. =(

23/50. I got a freaking 23/50!

Pretty darn pissed with myself over that. But never mind, thankfully it's only the Prelims. There's still time to make amends.

And I was shocked on receiving Maths paper 1. I GOT AN E. WOO. First time I passed Maths paper 1. But the sad part.. MATHS PAPER 2 IS G_G !

Underperformed for Physics paper 3, I felt I could have done better. But oh well, no use crying over spilt milk. I guess i'll just have to work ~~doubly~~ triply hard.

RAWR.

2006-09-25T10:42:00.000+08:00

Okay, since Kezia says I didnt do a proper job in updating, I shall try again.

Before I start on this post...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEIHUI!

Now, back to business.

I finally went for a haircut today.

Sorry, no Before photos, only After. HAHA. Ah, the photo looks gay, but nevermind. Taken with my lousy VGA cam, but still it's good enough. Prelims killed my already bad enough complexion, and if i were to use a digital cam, my poor complexion would show. The times when you're thankful for having a (*&^ lousy VGA cam. Sorry Dez, I cut my hair before you. DONG BUAY TEOW ALREADY. HAHAHA.

Life has been boring since Prelims. The usual mugger's lifestyle, as you all know. Pretty much the same with everyone. Shall not go into that.

Was out yesterday with Glen and friends, at Cineleisure. Suki Sushi buffet. And I thought it was just an afternoon snack. Goodness, we stuffed ourselves silly with the sushi and temaki. The soft-shelled crab is just heavenly. Eating it brings tears to my eyes. Well, maybe not so exaggerated. LOL. And guess who we saw whilst eating? None other than Mr Lee Zhong Hui. Haha.

*Phone rings*

Les: "Err.. Hello?"

ZH: "Hello, Les ah? Are you at the sushi bar with Glen and 2 other girls?"

Les: O.O "How did you know?"

ZH: "Look to your right."

And there he was. standing outside Suki Sushi. How coincidental. ._.

After eating, we walked around aimlessly. Until Glen said that he knew of a good place to laze and bum around like the slackers we are. HAHA. So, off to Wheelock place we went. Urgh, not a place I really like. Long story. But the damn chairs were taken! So in the end, we went to sit outside some hair saloon on the 5th floor. Glen dozed off after a while, prolly because he didn't sleep the night before, plus the heavy meal we had. The first 2 times he did, we tried to "pang-seh" him, but failed cos Gladys' slippers were too noisy. HAHA. It just so happened on the 3rd time that his shoes were off, so I took one of them and hid it behind a pillar.

Glen: "Someone koped my shoe. Oi give back la!" *smack*

Les: "Suay, Glen have to walk home barefooted. LOL"

Glen: "Eh no la, I can busk with the other shoe. Then people will put money inside my shoe."

And a 5 minute debate about which shoe brand was more expensive ensued. HAHA. Hilarious. Well soon after my dad called, asking me to go home soon. And since I thought the buffet was just an afternoon snack, I didnt have much apetite for home cooked dinner.

a long break.

2006-09-24T13:29:00.000+08:00

Ah yes, to the many people asking me to update, I never forgot about my humble blog. Haha.

Prelims ~~are~~ were officially over on the 21st. Nothing more shall be said about that. (:

40 days to A levels. I need to buck up.

Life has been pretty much boring.